Judging by this year's attendance, a sucker is born every minute who will pay $12 to stand in a long line for Lastings Milledge's autograph.
I know firsthand, because I'm one of those suckers, at least the part about forking over $12.
Why? Nostalgia, force of habit, nothing better to do this time of year ... I'm still wondering about that.
At least I had a few cheap laughs. The PirateFest 2010 admission ticket, for example, includes a coupon for $10 off a purchase of $50 or more at a certain sporting goods retailer. According to the fine print, the coupon is "Valid through 10/1/09."
Oops.
The selection of jerseys for sale at the event also produced some chuckles. Half the names printed on the backs were of players - McLouth, Snell, etc. - who no longer are Pirates. As for the other half, you have to wrack your brain to figure out who most of them are.
Sure, I probably would have gotten better value in the humor department at a comedy club. But they're not open Saturday mornings.
The real laughs over the weekend involving the Buccos came with this news report: "Pirates owner Bob Nutting declined to listen to separate proposals to buy the team last year, including a surprise bid from Pittsburgh Penguins co-owner Mario Lemieux, officials with knowledge of the talks told the Associated Press."
The joke is on anyone who thinks Nutting would consider selling.
He's making a mint by fielding a team that has the lowest payroll in Major League Baseball and operates in a publicly financed stadium. And let's not forget that even though the public voted down a referendum to finance the stadium, it was rammed down our collective throat, anyway.
But the idea of such a sale sets up a classic hero-and-villain scenario: Super Mario vs. Scrooge McBuc; the guy who's saved hockey in Pittsburgh on multiple occasions vs. the guy whose team hasn't had a winning season since JFK's mother was still alive.
Would a Lemieux ownership group finally turn the Pirates into winners? Well, we can safely say it couldn't do much worse. Given baseball's financial structure, though, there's no reason for a whole lot of optimism, no matter who owns what.
With Mario at the helm, though, the Pirates at least would attain the level of lovable losers. And if his profits were pumped into guaranteeing the Penguins remain a viable entity, what the heck. That would be preferable to Nutting continuing to stuff his pockets.
But, hey, what can I say? I bought a PirateFest ticket. And I can't even use the coupon on the back.
I guess P.T. would love me, too.
Online editor Harry Funk can be reached at hfunk@observer-reporter.com.