I am well aware that we should have had this one-sided conversation a week ago in advance of that fat, furry rodent's not unexpected performance Feb. 2 on Gobblers Knob, which is a scant few miles of winding road outside of Punxsutawney. When he was shaken awake at dawn and and saw his shadow, he didn't even try to bite his handler. Instead, he followed the script that always follows legend and local custom means we'll face another six weeks of winter weather.
Six more weeks! We didn't get six days, judging from the forecast and the hordes of people at the supermarkets.
You don't have to be a math genius to figure out what's going on here because, shadow or not, winter will officially end exactly when it is supposed to: Saturday, March 20. There is no such thing as an "early spring" and if you can remember the last time Phil or one of his cousins didn't see his shadow, you've got a better memory than the rest of us.
The only reason that Groundhog Day 2010 meant anything out of the ordinary was the cry by the group that calls itself PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) to replace Phil with a robotic groundhog - a stunt double if you will - because the glare of TV lights and the sight of a crowd of yawning Punxsutawney visitors could cause a hand-raised woodlands creature some degree of discomfort.
Am I wrong, but isn't that like asking Waynesburg to postpone Rain Day because somebody is likely to get wet?
Quiz here: Why did the groundhog cross the road? a.) To reach the other side. b) To get away from that old guy wearing a top hat and tails at 7 o'clock in the morning who wakes him from hibernation and makes him look into the TV lights. c.) To run away with that robot groundhog chick that PETA had suggested. d.) So he could get to the bushes on the other side and go to the bathroom like everybody else does when they wake up.
I still think he should have nipped the handler on his hand.
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Welcome to our world
Stephanie Claire Drewitz, born Tuesday, Jan. 26, 2010, to Maggie and Anthony Drewitz of Washington
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Birthday candles
Feb. 6 - Charles Johnston, Fred Lese Jr., Edna Maiello of Washington, her 90th
Feb. 7 - Thelma Harry, Tom Shetler, Sam Sonson
Feb. 8 - Jill Daniels, Scott Day, Mamie Furbee, Frank Rotunda Jr.
Feb. 9 - Heather Ambrose, Jared Ambrose, Alice Coffield, Elsie Ruffing
Feb. 11 - Ron Dagg, Arthur Graham Sr., Rose Jackson
Feb. 12 - Nellie Clayton, Marjorie Dague, John Horne, Derek Humphreys, Sara Milligan of Humbert Lane Personal Care Center, her 90th
Byron Smialek's columns appears Saturdays. Send anniversary and birthday greetings to 1312 Banetown Road, Washington, PA 15301. His e-mail address is: byretired@live.com.