I’d be a genius on “Wheel of Fortune,” but a dummy on “Jeopardy.”
Seriously, does anyone watch both shows? I get so frustrated when I watch the “Wheel” and Vanna has overturned almost all of the tiles and the contestants stare blankly at the game board.
One particular episode made me sad for America. The game-board read, “_ood-burn_ng stove” and the contestant yelled out, “Food-Burning stove!” Then, the next contestant shouted, “Hood-burning stove.” It took the third contestant to ask for a ‘w’ before he could work out the answer. By the way, if you haven’t guessed by now, the answer is “wood-burning stove.” Maybe none of these contestants have ever had a vacation rental in the Adirondacks. None of them were likely to win one on the show, either.
There are hundreds of YouTube clips of really stupid people talking to Pat Sajak. I don’t know how he can stand there and smile at them. I’d be like, “Seriously!?! You didn’t know that? We practically spelled out the entire thing. God, you people!”
Clearly, I’ll never get a chance to host “Wheel of Fortune.” The closest I’ve gotten to the “Wheel of Fortune” is a nickel slot machine at the Meadowlands Casino.
The disparity of knowledge within the thirty minutes between “Wheel of Fortune” and “Jeopardy” is mind-boggling.
Half an hour earlier, over on "Jeopardy," someone had to come up with the answer to this gem: “He was the last grand master of the Knights Templar.” The response was, “Who is Jacques de Molay.” That is the question, isn’t it? Who the heck is Jacques de Molay? How many Knights Templar can you name? If I were a contestant I would probably blurt out, “What the hell, Trebek?” At least my answer would be in the form of a question. That Alex Trebek is so smug, too. He knows the answer only because they are printed on tiny index cards on his podium.
How about this Final Jeopardy question: “This cheese was created in 1892 by Emil Frey and named for a singing society whose members loved the cheese.” None of the contestants answered correctly, “What is Liederkranz?” That’s a pretty tough question. I don’t think I’ve ever spread Liederkranz on a cracker. I can only name a few cheeses, anyway, and as far as I know, cheddar, havarti, Swiss and goat were never singing groups. By the way, Frey is also credited with creating Velveeta. Apparently, he was a real cheese whiz.
So, I can’t play Jeopardy, I’m just “Wheel of Fortune” smart. I’m trying to make turn that into a pithy phrase. I’ll use it in a sentence, “Oh, don’t be too hard on him, he’s only ‘Wheel of Fortune’ smart.”
I do know the answer to some excellent Trivial Pursuit questions. “My Little Margie” was played by Gail Storm, and the largest water fall is Angel Falls in Venezuela. However, I haven’t memorized my new bank account number, and I don’t know where I put my car keys.
I don’t want to be an intellectual, but I don’t want to be an idiot, either, and God forbid, I don’t want to be considered just normal.
I guess I’m a below-average genius.