It ain't gonna happen this year, either.
As always, a slew of cancellations will ensue, including a few shows that deserved your consideration had a network jerk not made a knee-jerk decision to prematurely yank them off the air.
Knowing that freshmen shows have as short as a two-week window to catch your fancy, I've tried various methods over the years to quickly steer readers in the right direction. Back in the day, that meant watching every show on the night it premiered without benefit of a VCR or DVR. Later, it involved driving to Pittsburgh TV stations where you were escorted to a private room and handed a box of tapes to watch (to this day, I don't know why those tapes couldn't have been shipped to the newsroom). After a 10-hour marathon on television hill in 1982 (the bright spot was a new sitcom called "Cheers"), I opted to simply read the hype that accompanied each new show announcement in May and draw my own conclusions. Suffice it to say that "Valerie's Family," "Married People" and the TV version of "Dirty Dancing" looked a lot better on paper.
The past several years I've totally ignored the content of the show and suggested readers just watch series with cushy time-slots. Sadly, that's been pretty good advice - shows with weak competition generally hang on for at least a season or two. Given the opportunity to mature, a few even develop into quality fare.
Using that method this year, I would have picked "Mike & Molly" (which follows "Two and One-Half Men"), "Law and Order: Los Angeles" (competing against two law shows lacking its quality brand name) and "$#*! My Dad Says" (paired with "Big Bang Theory"). On that last show, which stars William Shatner as a father who says exactly what he thinks, look at the first phrase quickly and think of a four-letter word you still can't say on TV). Clever, huh? But not clever enough to sustain a pretty dismal sitcom.
How do I know? This year, all of the networks have posted short previews of fall programming on their respective websites. Some appear to be clips presented to advertisers last week; others seemed patched together. Either way, though, all TV viewers - not just critics - now have an upfront opportunity to see what they might have an interest in catching this fall.
Here's my quick assessment:
1. "No Ordinary Family" (ABC) As site posters quickly noted, this bears more than a slight resemblance to Disney's animated "The Incredibles." Starring Michael Chiklis, it's about a family that develops unusual powers after surviving a plane crash. It looks like an uncomplicated "Heroes" with a sense of humor, as well as a throwback to series such as "Greatest American Hero." Without the Internet opportunity, this show - up against "NCIS" and "Glee" - wouldn't stand a chance. But I have a feeling it will develop buzz over the summer, and be much-anticipated when it premieres. Might even have "Glee" singing a different, sadder song.
2. "Event" (NBC) - Fans of the canceled "Flash Forward" may find this an even more interesting premise. Previews don't disclose the mysterious "event," but as its star, Blair Underwood plays the president, you can be sure the federal government is involved. Like "No Ordinary Family," it has a throwback, polished '80s look. That might work well for the peacock network, which was struttin' its best stuff during that era.
3. Friday Shows (CBS, ABC, NBC). The past few seasons, it seemed like the networks were all but throwing in the towel on Fridays. Not this year. There are at least three series that show promise: Dana Delaney's "Body of Proof" (think a female "Quincy"); Tom Selleck's "Blue Bloods" (diverse, but close family of cops); and Jimmy Smits' "Outlaw" (a Supreme Court justice steps down to resume a career as a lawyer). The first hint that the networks were serious about Fridays may have been the celebrity star power (even if Selleck and Smits are showing their age). The well-executed clips, though, ought to convince millions to sample the shows - and Fridays haven't been attracting throngs of viewers since ABC's "TGIF" days.
4. "Mike and Molly" (CBS). Sure, it has a terrific lead-in with "Two and One- Half Men" and it's from the stable of James Burrows ("Cheers"). But a better selling point is the preview, which has real laughs and - are we sensing a trend here? - plays like a sitcom from 30 years ago.
5. "Hawaii 5-0" (CBS) - This revival may not have a long lifespan, but the theme song quickly draws you in, and the cast keeps you captivated. The high definition scenery is gorgeous, too, which gives it at least one advantage over the original. The comraderie and tonque-in-cheek combo are similar to "Castle" which not coincidentally is its main competition.
A few previews were winchingly bad, especially sitcoms "$#*! My Dad Says," "Raising Hope" and "Running WIlde." I didn't see a future for "My Generation," "Detroit 1-8-7" or "Chase," either.
But don't take my word for it. Check out the websites and pick your favorites.
With millions of eyes expected to visit the network dot-coms over the summer, pent-up premiere week ratings might instantly determine the winners and losers. (And if ABC suits read the comments on some of their new shows, they may never premiere at all.
Terry Hazlett covers TV and radio for the Observer-Reporter. He can be reached at snowballrizzo@aol.com