Dave Molter

Column Dave Molter

Dave Molter is a freelance writer and Golden Quill and Keystone Press Awards winner. He also is a freelance musician in the Pittsburgh area.
15

Oct 2017

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We’re here to pumpkin you up

We’re here to pumpkin spice up your life

I want to share a couple of facts that I learned recently: First, the ubiquitous pumpkin spice products being sold seemingly everywhere except funeral parlors are not meant as a tribute to the late, lamented sixth Spice Girl who quit before the girl group made it big in 1994.

Second, “Pumpkin spice!” is not what people screamed when Ginger, Posh, Baby, Scary and Sporty asked, in their 1996 hit, “Wannabe,” “So tell me what you want, what you really, really want.”

How easily fooled we consumers are. So, as we careen toward 2018, should we not stop to ponder why pumpkin spice causes people to act as if their heads have become jack-o’-lanterns every October? At the very least, should we not pause to assess the potential collateral damage to our homes that might occur if microscopic pumpkin-spice particles left over from Halloween collide with the nutmeg, cinnamon and pine scents that will begin to wreak olfactory havoc there in November and December?

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01

Oct 2017

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Oh, say, can you knee?

Oh, say, can you knee?

Submitted for your approval: On the Saturday following the Crucifixion of Jesus, a group of Jewish rabble-rousers who had witnessed Christ’s trial returned to Pontius Pilate and said, “That ‘crucify him’ thing? We were angry. We’re embarrassed. We’re sorry.”

And thus they moved into the cold, gray dawn of the Twilight Zone.

Former Cecil Township No. 2 fire chief Paul Smith joined them Tuesday, two days after he called Steelers Coach Mike Tomlin “a no good N-----” on Facebook, then made sure no one misconstrued his intentions by concluding the post with, “Yes, I said it.”

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17

Sep 2017

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Picture this

Picture this: An unthinking acceptance of technology

My mother read the Bible daily, attended church twice a week and taught me that “the N word” was never to be used, no matter how many times I heard it thrown at the five or six African-American kids I attended school with in our small town.

But Mom had her ungodly foibles. For example, upon seeing this or that popular entertainer on TV, she would often say, with a straight face, “He’s a Jew. He doesn’t look like one, but he is.”

“So what?” I’d ask every time she made this observation. “What difference does it make?” As far as I can recall, she never gave me any kind of explanation, let alone a satisfactory one. But she had no hidden agenda, no ulterior motives. It was, to her, simply an observation.

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04

Sep 2017

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When you go out in the woods today ...

Despite the experiences of most of the main characters in “Grimm’s Fairy Tales,” you can have a lot of fun in the woods. Here’s how.

But first, some words of advice. While in the woods:

• Don’t eat any fruit offered by a wizened old peddler woman.

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