Annie’s mailbox: Relationship should ‘sit right’ with you
Don’t settle for a relationship that doesn’t ‘sit right’
Q. I’m a gay man and have been with my boyfriend for four years. I know he’s bisexual, but I guess I didn’t understand. He told me recently that he wants to have a girlfriend in addition to seeing me. I understand the logic, but I don’t like it. I don’t feel threatened. I know he loves me, and he’s not going to replace me with another guy. He views our relationship as steady. I’m sure if he ever settles down, it will be with me.
I have a five-year head start over this girl, but it doesn’t sit right with me. Whenever I bring up concerns about sharing him or what the future will be like, he says we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Annie, what if he wants a child – or decides to marry a woman to avoid the stigma of being gay? He’d still expect me to hang on. And whenever I issue an ultimatum about not dating anyone else, he says I’m allowed to leave whenever I want. I don’t know whether he doesn’t care or knows I don’t really mean it.
I love him and want to be with him forever, but I don’t think I could get used to being “the other man.” What do I do? – Confused and Hurt from North Dakota
A. It doesn’t matter whether your boyfriend is gay, straight, bisexual or from another planet. He wants to have someone else in his bed, and you apparently don’t consider this cheating. You say his heart belongs to you, and yet you believe he could marry someone else. He isn’t being fair to you. You know this, which is why it doesn’t “sit right,” but you permit it to continue because somewhere in your head, you are convinced he is committed to you. He is not. He is manipulating you into sticking around while he plays the field.
After five years, it might be a good idea to set him free. If you are still available when he’s ready to settle down, he can contact you then. Otherwise, you are only making yourself miserable and anxious.
Q. I took my 13-year-old cat to the vet yesterday and found out she has diabetes that is treatable. I will be learning how to give her shots.
I don’t drive, so my mom gave me a ride back from the vet, and I told her the diagnosis. She said, “You might want to put her down if you’re not able to give her the shots.”
Why would a person think so negatively? Why would she advise me to do such a thing when I’ve barely had an opportunity to start administering care? Mom has a cat that’s not nearly as sweet as mine, but it’s not as if she doesn’t understand. Please tell people to keep their negative attitude to themselves – Iowa
A. Mom was probably projecting her attitude onto you. She might not be as willing to take such care of her cat and uttered that thought aloud. Most people do not intend to say unkind, negative things. They simply open their mouths before their brains are in gear.
Dear Annie: “Soon To Be Family Outcast” asked whether she had to attend a wedding in Canada, saying passports are too expensive. You answered the question, but you didn’t address her comment about passports. One can get a passport card for about $55. If that is still beyond her means, she can look into an Enhanced Driver’s License. – Michael in Indianapolis
Dear Michael: We’re happy to clarify. An Enhanced Driver’s License allows land or sea travel between the U.S. and Canada and, at the moment, is available in only four states. For information, contact getyouhome.gov. Passport cards (also land and sea travel) are issued by the U.S. Dept. of State (travel.state.gov).
Email questions to firstname.lastname@example.org, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254