Laura Zoeller

Go with the flow

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Sometimes, I just need a laugh. And when I can’t seem to find one in my own life – and those moments are few and far between – I typically need only look at the “strange news” tab on my homepage to discover something chuckle-worthy. Take yesterday morning, for example.


I first discovered a story about a couple in Colorado who built a catwalk from their second-story apartment to a nearby tree so that the cats could go out as they pleased. Neighbors were upset about the cats running loose in the development and the possibility that neighborhood children might try to get onto the runway and be hurt. So they did what good neighbors do: called the homeowner’s association and lodged a complaint. The couple agreed to remove the catwalk after the husband was unable to take time off work to attend a hearing on the matter.


Another story that I found amusement in was the California woman who slapped a cop across the face for no reason other than she wanted to be jailed long enough to quit smoking. According to the article, she struck the officer – not once, but twice – to ensure that she was arrested and charged. She was sentenced to 63 days in jail, with credit for the three days she already served. She is confident the term is sufficient to meet her needs. As for the deputy she slapped? He is now referring to himself as Nick O’Derm in honor of the stop-smoking aid.


But the funniest story this week was the one about the new restroom feature that has been added to the Lehigh Valley IronPigs ballpark in Allentown. Coca-Cola Park is now the home of a gaming system that senses a fan’s approach to the urinal and allows his urine stream to function as a hands-free game control.


Touted as the world’s first sports arena to have the system, CCP is quite proud of the addition. The manager of the IronPigs, a Triple A subsidiary of the Philadelphia Phillies, is quoted on their website as saying, “The games are sure to make a big splash.”


One of this season’s games is alpine skiing. Participants are to “steer” down the mountains while trying to hit cartoon penguins with a snowmobile. How bad is this baseball team, I wonder? Even the Pirates just expect a man to pee and go back to the stands!


After completing their game, the user is given a code to enter that allows them to see how they stacked up against the night’s competition. I can only hope that the code is entered on a screen that is one station past the sinks.


Another selling point is that high scores will be broadcast on video screens throughout the ballpark. Imagine being in line for food, sipping on a Mello Yello and reading about how accurately a stranger pees. I mean, honestly, who thinks of this stuff?


The answer is the Lehigh Valley Health Network. Their representative suggests the gaming user will receive information about prostate health from the gaming console and that prostate health, like baseball, is “about team.” Whatever floats your boat, buddy. Or in this case, steers your snowmobile.



Laura Zoeller can be reached at zoeller5@hughes.net.


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