Mike Buzzelli

The heat is on

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I may be part lizard. I know a lot of people are complaining about the heat, but I love it.

I enjoy basking in the sunshine, even though the sun has been trying to burn me to a crisp lately.

I had another bout of sunburn, but I am still enjoying the summer sun.

Maybe it’s in the DNA. I am Italian, Greek and Irish (OK, maybe not so much of the Irish part).

Last Sunday, the temperature was in the low 90s. I think I may be the only one saying “low 90s,” instead of “91 degrees.”

The heat has made some people crazy.

I noticed the irritability in a lot of people.

Tempers seem to rise with the temperature. I assume the two words are related on purpose.

Angry people are called hot-headed all the time.

I noticed a rise in crankiness in adults. The cranky ones are even crankier around me.

I haven’t been helping with this ridiculous grin on my face; the bright white smile on my sun-darkened head.

I saw one Facebook post that said, “Satan called. He wants his weather back.”

To me, hell would be cold place; one of those arctic research centers at the South Pole.

I don’t like to be cold.

I don’t use the air-conditioning in my car, even on the hottest days.

That’s why I am convinced there is something wrong with me.

I might have gotten lizard DNA somewhere.

I am surprised I don’t have scales and a tail.

This one time in Palm Springs, I was hanging out by the pool and I didn’t notice that the display window on my cellphone melted.

The colors on the glass screen went rainbow.

I could only make out the first digit of the caller, and I couldn’t read my contacts.

For some reason, I had that phone a few weeks before I got rid of it.

It was a good excuse not to call people, though.

The point is that the sun was strong enough to make my display screen go all lava-lampy and I didn’t even notice it was that hot out. I believe the temperature was 114 degrees that day.

You’d think I would have noticed.

All I really learned is that cellphones are not as weather-resistant as people.

Ironically (or perhaps sadly), a week prior to our recent heat wave, I had a cousin lose her cellphone to the rain.

She had to put it in a bag of rice.

That’s a thing. I didn’t know that was a thing. I hope no one ate pilaf that week at her house.

I am so easy to recognize in the summer.

If you see a dark-skinned (or even red-tinged) man walking down the street smiling when it’s 99 degrees, you will know it’s me.

Geico may ask me to be their new spokes-lizard.

I may have melted my brain, but I plan on smiling through Labor Day.

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