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Below-average genius
I’d be a genius on “Wheel of Fortune,” but a dummy on “Jeopardy.”
Seriously, does anyone watch both shows? I get so frustrated when I watch the “Wheel” and Vanna has overturned almost all of the tiles and the contestants stare blankly at the game board.
One particular episode made me sad for America. The game-board read, “_ood-burn_ng stove” and the contestant yelled out, “Food-Burning stove!” Then, the next contestant shouted, “Hood-burning stove.” It took the third contestant to ask for a ‘w’ before he could work out the answer. By the way, if you haven’t guessed by now, the answer is “wood-burning stove.” Maybe none of these contestants have ever had a vacation rental in the Adirondacks. None of them were likely to win one on the show, either.
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Clearly, I’ll never get a chance to host “Wheel of Fortune.” The closest I’ve gotten to the “Wheel of Fortune” is a nickel slot machine at the Meadowlands Casino.
The disparity of knowledge within the thirty minutes between “Wheel of Fortune” and “Jeopardy” is mind-boggling.
Half an hour earlier, over on "Jeopardy," someone had to come up with the answer to this gem: “He was the last grand master of the Knights Templar.” The response was, “Who is Jacques de Molay.” That is the question, isn’t it? Who the heck is Jacques de Molay? How many Knights Templar can you name? If I were a contestant I would probably blurt out, “What the hell, Trebek?” At least my answer would be in the form of a question. That Alex Trebek is so smug, too. He knows the answer only because they are printed on tiny index cards on his podium.
How about this Final Jeopardy question: “This cheese was created in 1892 by Emil Frey and named for a singing society whose members loved the cheese.” None of the contestants answered correctly, “What is Liederkranz?” That’s a pretty tough question. I don’t think I’ve ever spread Liederkranz on a cracker. I can only name a few cheeses, anyway, and as far as I know, cheddar, havarti, Swiss and goat were never singing groups. By the way, Frey is also credited with creating Velveeta. Apparently, he was a real cheese whiz.
So, I can’t play Jeopardy, I’m just “Wheel of Fortune” smart. I’m trying to make turn that into a pithy phrase. I’ll use it in a sentence, “Oh, don’t be too hard on him, he’s only ‘Wheel of Fortune’ smart.”
I do know the answer to some excellent Trivial Pursuit questions. “My Little Margie” was played by Gail Storm, and the largest water fall is Angel Falls in Venezuela. However, I haven’t memorized my new bank account number, and I don’t know where I put my car keys.
I don’t want to be an intellectual, but I don’t want to be an idiot, either, and God forbid, I don’t want to be considered just normal.
I guess I’m a below-average genius.
Mike Buzzelli has performed his standup routine at places on the Left Coast like The Comedy Store and The Ice House, before relocating to Western Pennsylvania. And he has plenty of writing experience, to boot.
Survey says... : 5/3/2010
You forgot the crazy answers people had on Family Feud!!! I still remember the Cheers episode where Cliff was on Jeopardy!!! My favorite gameshow! Michael, your columns have a way of making my Mondays!
trivia : 5/3/2010
how about the Jay Leno show when he interviews people in the street. I can,t believe some of the answers and a lot of the time they are college students.
Love it... : 5/7/2010
I am a HUGE Jeopardy fan myself and I detest Wheel of Fortune. I'm one of those people who sits in the living rooms shouting the answers and then changes the channel because I can't take it anymore. Good work. One thing though; I have to say I disagree about Trebek. I've had a crush on him for years and I think his smugness is sexy.
Wheel v Jeo : 5/8/2010
I'm the fool that watches both. Jeopardy makes me believe that one day I might be brilliant and Wheeel gives me the false impression that I already am. Funny and true article.
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