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A Thanksgiving classic: 'As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly'
"As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly."
Six weeks into its first season, on Oct. 30, 1978, "WKRP in Cincinnati" unreeled what was to become its most famous episode, and one of the funniest moments in television sitcom history. It was, to be sure, a slow starter.
It opens with bored manager Arthur Carlson (Gordon Jump) sauntering through the radio station, wondering how he fits into the new rock-and-roll format. It's not especially funny material until, when asked what's up, nerdy newsman Les Nessman (Richard Sanders) begins reciting a memorized newscast, complete with weather and sports.
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Like the staff, viewers are kept in the dark as Nessman announces the arrival of a helicopter, then hilariously and painfully moving his face slowly across the television screen, reads the banner. "Happy Thanks ... giv ... ing ... from W.K.R.P." First, he thinks skydivers are coming out of the plane, then realizes "Oh, my God, Johnny, they're turkeys! Oh, they're plunging to the earth right in front of our eyes. Oh, the humanity ... the turkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement!"
The "oh, the humanity" phrase is familiar from the radio report of the Hindenburg disaster, which Sanders reportedly listened to repeatedly to come up with phrasing for his evidently ad-libbed report of the turkey tragedy. It's a terrific TV moment, with the camera focused primarily on the actor's reactions while a few frenzied people dash about behind him. We never see the turkey toss, or the resulting splatter, just Sanders' facial expressions as the promotional bit unravels before his eyes.
Back at the station, a tarred and feathered Carlson and salesman Herb Tarlak (Frank Bonner) return, along with a frazzled Nessman. All the while, the folks at the station are responding to angry phone calls. (One of their replies: "Well, a lot of turkeys don't make it through Thanksgiving.") Nessman offers that when the helicopter landed to release the other birds, "the turkeys mounted a counterattack." And then comes the the punch line, the final line of the episode. As the disheveled Carlson emerges from the office with "As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly."
On the DVD collection, writer Hugh Wilson said the show was based on an actual incident at a Texas radio station. Others credit a 1940s Arkansas "Turkey Trot Festival" in which turkeys were tossed from a courthouse roof, and later, a low-flying plane. Supposedly, the practice continued until 1989 - 11 years after the "WKRP" episode aired.
Sadly, "WKRP" survived just four years, a victim of 12 - count 'em - timeslot changes on CBS. Even though the sitcom was attracting slightly more than 20 million viewers a week, the network couldn't seem to package it with a compatible show ("Mr Merlin," anyone?).
A new version that aired in syndication in the early '90s was a bust, and TV Land's stripping of the original series was shortlived. Even the DVD release had its problems - most of the original music has been substituted with nondescript tunes, especially irritating for a series set at a rock radio station.
It would indeed be wonderful if a cable station chose, as one Web site poster suggested, to loop this particular "WKRP" episode all during the holiday, much as "A Christmas Story" gets the 24-hour treatment on Dec. 25. That's unlikely to happen.
There are a few Web sites, though, where you can still view the more memorable segments of the show, and at least one where you can see the entire episode.
As God is my witness, you'll wish "WKRP" could fly ... again.
Shows axed
They weren't nearly as popular as "WKRP," but two freshman series have been canceled. ABC's "Hank" has been yanked as has Fox's "Dollhouse." CBS is going to switch "Cold Case" and "Three Rivers" for at least one Sunday next month in an attempt to revive at least one of the lackluster-rated shows. And it appears likely ABC is going to move "Ugly Betty," which is fading fast on Fridays. With some last-minute shuffling, the network could find a temporary home for it on Mondays or Tuesdays, where "Dancing with the Stars" and "V" are temporarily ending their runs. Or, given its past history of neglect with "Betty," ABC might just let it drift away.
Terry Hazlett covers TV and radio for the Observer-Reporter. He can be reached at snowballrizzo@aol.com.
