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Adults must respect selves, too
Mary Jo's response: You're correct. Self-respect is not determined by age. Many young people respect themselves; some adults do not.
Respecting a person who does not earn respect is difficult. Your father needs help dealing with alcohol abuse. Talk with your mother about seeking support from one of the many groups in town who support families when alcohol is affecting life. Contact Washington Drug and Alcohol Commission at 724-223-1181, or go to their Web site at http://www.wdacinc.org/providers.html for a list of local drug and alcohol providers who can offer assistance.
You are not your father; striving to set goals and make healthy choices is a vital part of avoiding alcohol use. Your father may be a different person if he's not drinking. Often, we are unable to see good in people who hurt us, but it is possible your father has many positive qualities that deserve your respect. I encourage you to share your feelings with your mom. Seek out another adult male in your family to serve as a role model. Take advantage of the guidance personnel in your high school or confide in a trusted teacher or coach. Avoid alcohol use. Come to the Common Ground Teen Center and meet other teens who can support you. I can arrange for mentoring. You're not alone. Please keep in touch (412-877-4906), and thanks for writing.
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From the rest of the peer educators: If this continues, make yourself the positive male figure in your household. If you can't confide in your father, confide in your mother. You're not like your dad, but you need to stay away from alcohol to be safe.
Q. I have another thought about self-respect. If a girl likes a boy a lot but then agrees to do sexual stuff with him that she really thinks is wrong, then she has no self-respect. I don't mean to be harsh, but that's what I think. Do you agree? - 15-year-old female
Mary Jo's response: Young people often get involved sexually before they are old enough to handle the consequences; there are many reasons for that type of risky behavior. Self-respect may certainly be a factor. The real challenge is in understanding a girl's motivation; I strive to avoid judgment while listening to what's really happening. I don't believe anyone should do sexual "stuff" when they think it is wrong, regardless of age.
Research has found that young women who get pregnant while teens may experience internal poverty. Internal poverty means that the young person has low self-esteem, low educational aspirations (the belief that they will fail in school), poor personal efficacy (efficacy refers to a person's belief that he or she is capable of reaching goals), and an external locus of control (the belief that someone else is in control of her/his life). I know that sounds complicated - and it is. You may be correct in some situations. Factors that may lead to early sexual experiences and early childbearing include a history of sexual abuse, poor parental supervision, low self-esteem, peer pressure, lack of sexuality education and access to health care, a family history of teen pregnancy, and internal poverty.
Marian Wright Edelman is the head of Children's Defense Fund and says that "the best contraception is hope for the future."
I believe that young people who receive consistent parental/adult support are motivated to set and achieve goals, and and those who are educated can make healthy choices. Many young people with strong religious faith are able to delay sexual involvement. To me, every young person is unique.
You sound like you'd be a great peer educator. We meet the second and fourth Thursdays of the month from 6 to 7:30 p.m. at the Common Ground Teen Center, 22 W. Maiden St., Washington. Give me a call and we'll get together. We can use your wisdom.
Peer educator response: We don't think so. The girl most likely cares a lot for him and is willing to do that on her own. Not so much self-respect, but no self-control. In our opinion, at that age, she shouldn't be having sex.
Mary Jo Podgurski is founder and director of the Teen Outreach program in Washington. Questions can be e-mailed to podmj@healthyteens.com or mailed to Box 437750, Observer-Reporter, 122 S. Main St., Washington, PA 15301. All names will remain confidential.
