RSS | 
Twitter
| 
Be a fan!
When times are tough, some guys run because they can
Mary Jo's response: Your question is a challenging one. Let's look at it from three perspectives: gender roles, stereotypes and relationships.
Gender roles - or the ways males and females react in society - are influenced by culture. Culture refers to the beliefs and behaviors of a particular group. As an adolescent you live in a teen culture; you also live in an American culture, in the culture of your high school and your family, and possibly in the culture of Western Pennsylvania. All of those cultures affect the way people react to events in their lives.
I believe that the way children are raised in families and taught by culture (especially their school/church or synagogue/peer group) affects the way they respond to problems. The question you're really asking is why adolescent males react differently than adolescent females to a major life event like an unplanned pregnancy.
Rate This Story:
1 the lowest - 5 the highest
Current rating:
Remember it takes two. In adolescent culture a young man may feel that walking away from a pregnancy is acceptable. Young men may think a pregnancy is a "woman's problem" if that message is taught by family, by the example of adult men, or by peer norms.
A stereotype is an oversimplified opinion or concept of a group of people.
For example, I'm an Italian-American. A stereotype of that group may be that all Italian-Americans make great pasta. That may or may not be true. A stereotype in adolescent male culture says that young men walk away when a young woman is pregnant. That may or may not be true. One young man may react with maturity to a crisis like an unplanned pregnancy. Another young man may react in an immature way to the same crisis. Not all men leave; not all women react with maturity.
Finally let's look at relationships. If two people are in a healthy relationship, the chance that they will face a crisis together is good; if two people are having casual sex, their commitment to one another is probably less. Too often people don't communicate their true feelings. Getting involved sexually is an adult act that should involve a healthy relationship, excellent communication about responsibilities, prevention of pregnancy and STIs, and common goals for the future. If sex happens without commitment, without a healthy relationship, and without planning, a pregnancy can be a true crisis.
In my opinion, young men often leave when a young woman is pregnant because they can. I've seen young men take responsibility for their actions, provide for the mother and the baby, and become great fathers. Those young men nearly always have support - from their families, from our Outreach, from their church/synagogue, and from their friends. Without support a teen pregnancy is difficult for both male and female.
If I could wave a magic wand and be certain no teen would make a baby and no STIs would be spread, I would still have concerns about young people having sex before they're mature and ready to handle the emotional and spiritual consequences. Think before you act.
Thank you for your question. I hope it made you think about consequences, responsibilities and the future.
Peer educator response: Guys are often afraid of commitment and the future. Most boys are immature and get desperate when a pregnancy happens. They leave for one big reason - they are scared and don't know what to do. A teen male should bring himself up and man up in that situation.
Girls who have sex before they're old enough to take responsibility for a baby are taking a chance. Talking with a guy before sex happens is smart. Don't be surprised if he leaves if you never really had a strong relationship. It's both people's responsibility. That's just the way it is.
Mary Jo Podgurski is founder and director of the Teen Outreach program in Washington. Questions can be e-mailed to podmj@healthyteens.com or mailed to Box 437750, Observer-Reporter, 122 S. Main St., Washington, PA 15301. All names will remain confidential.
