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4/23/2009 3:33 AM

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The History Channel premiered a new show this week. "Life After People" attempts to illustrate, through animation, what will happen to planet Earth after we're gone.

Thanks to an unforeseen tragedy - tainted peanut butter, Chi-Chi's Mexican scallions or repeated exposure to The Jonas Brothers - mankind will succumb, the show claims. Plant life will once again take over where concrete once ruled. Animals will roam wild. All signs of human life will gradually disappear.

Kind of like The Foundry shops.

Slowly, while lawyers fight over costs and parking lots slide onto Route 19, the societies created by man will wither and die. The lone remnant will be the last Max and Erma's on the planet, still serving delicious food until the end, come JCPenney or Armageddon.

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"Life After People" is an amazing and depressing piece of animation. I was fascinated by the computerized creations depicting, a la "Planet of the Apes," the end of man's reign. There was the Golden Gate Bridge, crumbling into San Francisco Bay. The Empire State Building fell. Down went the Sears Tower.

Talk about your bad real estate market.

Animals, claim the show's experts, will prosper. Insects will lay claim to their rightful home. Simple organisms, slugs and radio talk show hosts (sometimes it's hard to tell the difference) will find survival in the new world to their liking.

It's great TV to watch right before going to bed.

It is a beautiful show, to be sure, but imagine the cost of animation. Employing all those Twittering geeks in thick glasses (even if they were all working from their Star Wars collectible-infused bedrooms) couldn't be cheap.

That's why I called the folks at the History Channel this morning and offered my assistance. I told the nice receptionist that I loved the show and if they were thinking about a second season, I might be of some help.

You see, I explained, I own this farm in Washington County, Pennsylvania. For the next season of "Life after People," why not look at things from a country point of view? Sure, animated crumbling cities make for good television, but, I pitched, what if you showed what happens to a farm when no one does a damn thing all summer long?

She sat silent.

What if no one fed the horses? How would the world survive with untold numbers of eggs piling up in the hen house? If there were no humans around, how tall could the hayfields grow?

Wouldn't it be exciting to watch? Wouldn't it make great television? Can't you see how much you'd save by not using animators?

I would be willing to make this great sacrifice for more award-winning History Channel programming, I explained. I'll take the wife and go to the beach all summer long. You show up with a camera crew. What a show! We'll call it "Life After Farmers Give Up."

That's when she hung up.

Does anyone know the number for RFD-TV?

To hear Scott Paulsen's column, visit www.observer-reporter.com. He can be heard each weekday afternoon from 3 to 7 p.m. on 1250 ESPN Radio.

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