Laura Zoeller

Column Laura Zoeller

Laura Zoeller is a farm wife and mother who has been blessed with a wonderful and funny - life.
27

Mar 2017

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Drawn, quartered by token machines

Due to an unforeseen health scare for my husband, I have had occasion to spend a good deal of time at the hospital in the last week. I know my way to several different departments, and which elevators get you there the fastest. I have discovered which vending machines have the best snacks. I have figured out where you can push your luck with visiting hours and where they are very strict.

All of that seems easy in comparison with figuring out how to escape the parking garage. Here I have struggled somewhat. (You know me well enough to know that it couldn’t ALL be smooth sailing, right?)

The first night when it was time for me to head out, I walked to the nearest exit and pulled a five-dollar bill out of my purse near the token machine. After several attempts to insert it – even pausing to straighten it on the edge of the machine – I still couldn’t make the machine accept it.

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20

Mar 2017

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Battle for the bus

The alarm goes off every day at six. I snooze it one time, and then crawl out of bed. On school days, I throw on clothes, wake the kids for school and head to the coffee pot. As soon as it is brewing, I go wash my face and run a brush through my hair.

After the first sip of coffee hits my belly, I start making breakfast of some type. I yell again for the kids. While waiting for them to appear, I either scoop litter boxes, sweep the floor or load the dishwasher. Sometimes all three.

When there is about 20 minutes left before the bus pulls in, I yell, “last call” up the stairs. That is for my daughter’s benefit, as my son typically arrives downstairs shortly after I begin cooking breakfast. Eventually, she also appears and they make it to the bus in just enough time to catch it.

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13

Mar 2017

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Wanted: Someone to take charge of the circus

Wanted: Someone to take charge of the circus

I think my life might be a circus. I know what you may be thinking: that you all have known this for quite some time and I must be slow to just now be figuring it out. (There is some merit to that theory.)

I tend to mosey through my life, thinking it is relatively calm – normal even – until something comes along to make me wonder what is happening.

This past weekend, I had one of those moments. You see, both of my girls are in serious relationships. Both of their boyfriends are really good guys. Both were at the house this weekend. Both can eat like elephants. Breakfast took three pounds of sausage and several pounds of flour mixed into a triple batch of pancakes. Lunch was leftover cleanup, and dinner consisted of four pounds of burgers and trays of tater tots. It was incredible to watch, and I truly enjoyed it.

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06

Mar 2017

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Winning at the shell game

Winning the shell game

I’m learning to pick my battles, and here’s an example. My middle child loves small creatures. She loves goldfish and pretty pebbles and babies. Many Sundays, I am only able to get her out of bed for church by reminding her that some mother in some pew behind us will probably need a break and she can likely hold their child. I’d like for her to want to get up on her own, but I let it go as long as she gets up at all.

She also has loved turtles for a long time, and for nearly all of that time, she has been hounding her dad and me to let her have one. Because she still has that teenage tendency to not see things through, we were loath to invest in one.

Did you know that turtles are expensive?

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