That's it for me

The latest Internet reports are suggesting that the Steelers, despite suggestions to the contrary, have not been actively shopping disgraced quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. That’s too bad. I stuck with my favorite football team despite their decision to keep linebacker James Harrison following his domestic assault case. I stuck with the team despite its decision to keep jackass kicker Jeff Reed. But this is where I draw the line. In the grand scheme of things, it's a meaningless gesture, and it won't cost the Steelers a nickel, but if Roethlisberger is not dealt away, I'm done watching the Black and Gold. We've all heard the stories about Roethlisberger’s foul and stupid behavior over the past few years. I'm not going to rehash the whole thing. But I will share with you just one paragraph from a story today by Jonathan Silver of the Post-Gazette:

Numerous female witnesses to Roethlisberger’s night of heavy partying in Milledgeville, Ga., last month described unflattering behavior by the quarterback that included providing alcohol to underage students, calling them “bitches” and making a vulgar, sexual remark to several women.

We're not even talking about the alleged sexual assault. But after reading that paragraph, can anyone, in good conscience, still support a team that is led by this buffoon? Now, here’s something from an AP column written by Tim Dahlberg:

Now that Goodell has acted, it’s time for the Steelers to take some action of their own. The talk about the Rooneys being a family of integrity determined to run a team with integrity has to be more than just talk. There’s no need to wait for a psychological evaluation to figure out what to do. No need to groom another quarterback to take his place. No need to con some other team out of high draft picks just to ease the pain of him leaving. Just send him packing and spare an entire city any more pain and disappointment.

I couldn’t agree more. The Rooneys have always talked the talk. Their track record in walking the walk, however, has been a bit spotty. They cast off so-so players in a heartbeat. The stars? Uh, no. This is the crossroads for me. I've been a Steelers fan since before they won their first Super Bowl. Through the good years and the bad. But unless Roethlisberger is gone, I'm out. Maybe some people can overlook it. I can’t. After Harrison and Reed and now this sickening mess, my cup of disgust has runneth over. Maybe my moral outrage should have come sooner. That's a fair criticism. Maybe I'm late to the party when it comes to having enough of the Rooneys’ selective righteousness. But I'm there now. So, don’t bother coming up to me on Mondays this fall and winter and asking, “Did you see what Big Ben did yesterday?” I won’t know whether you’re talking about a game-winning touchdown pass or another accusation of a bathroom rape. And I won't care, either.

You don't want Roger Goodell's job

The latest black eye for the NFL's reputation has arrived in the form of camera-phone video of an obviously stewed Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones making disparaging remarks about Bill Parcells and Tim Tebow during a conversation in a bar. Many of us have probably been liquored up and said things we regretted the next day. The difference is, what we said didn't end up on ESPN over and over and over again. I understand that times have changed. There's a 24-hour news cycle, and the old rules about what passes for news, even in the sports world, are out the window. But I think it's unseemly that the sports media is taking what was essentially a private conversation and splashing it all over the radio and TV. It's not as if Jones made these remarks at a news conference or some other scheduled public event. Jerry Jones is a pretty easy guy to dislike, and as a public figure, he has to expect to be under the microscope. But I still think he deserves the right to have a conversation with a couple of other people in a bar without some opportunistic slimeball voyeuristically and surreptitiously videotaping him and then selling the video to some Internet site. And ESPN, of course, leaped on this with both feet. I'm a fan of the "Mike and Mike" show on ESPN. I watch and/or listen to the program every weekday. But their defense of ESPN repeatedly showing the Jones video and their spending an inordinate amount of time talking about it sort of fell flat with me. One of their main arguments was that, while the shooting of the video was wrong, they have an obligation to repeatedly show it and to talk about it endlessly because it’s “news.” Let me translate that for you: They won’t do the dirty work themselves, but they’ll perch like vultures and feast on the carrion that is drug into public by people with lesser morals. Their other argument was that if they didn't give the video wall-to-wall coverage, viewers and listeners would turn to other outlets that did. Translation: Journalistic integrity and ethics aren’t as important as ratings and advertising dollars. It's a far cry from the days when reporters looked the other way when Mickey Mantle, Billy Martin and other pro athletes and coaches were drinking, carousing and raising hell. But maybe we've gone too far. It's almost reached the point at which the actual games are taking a back seat to the off-field goings-on. There's a big difference between a star quarterback being accused of sexual assault, which is a legitimate news story, and an NFL owner getting a snootful of booze and talking to some folks at a tavern. One is news. The other is an invasion of privacy.

What an idiot

Please pardon my indelicate language, but Steelers wide receiver Santonio Holmes is a dumbass. Holmes has about as many brushes with the law as seasons in the NFL, including an accusation that he assaulted the mother of one of his children and an arrest for having dope in his car. He managed to skate in those cases. But more recently, he got into a dispute in a nightclub, an incident that has yet to be adjudicated. And now, just weeks later, we get word that Holmes is facing a four-game suspension in the coming season for violation of the NFL drug policy. It's being reported that Holmes either missed a required drug test or failed a test. If this suspension is upheld, any further transgression could possibly see him getting kicked out of the league for a whole year. With his rookie contract entering its last year, there's no way in hell that the Steelers should ante up millions of dollars to re-sign this dipstick. I'm guessing the Steelers aren't that stupid. But there are enough dumb owners in the NFL that someone will write a big check to this ticking time bomb. If the Steelers can unload Holmes before this season, that would be even better. We also aren't sure who will be chucking the ball when the season starts. Although there are reports that quarterback Ben Roethlisberger will not be charged in the Georgia nightclub incident, it's possible that Commissioner Roger Goodell, tired of the bad publicity Roethlisberger has brought to the league, will suspend him anyway for a couple of games. Charlie Batch is a senior citizen in football terms, and I have my doubts whether Dennis Dixon will ever be a better-than-average NFL signal caller. So, it will be interesting to see if the Steelers spend an early draft pick on a quarterback. The Steelers have a great many solid citizens on their roster. It's just very disconcerting that two of the most prominent offensive players can't seem to avoid trouble.

Of Bart and baseball

A couple of quick hitters on a Friday afternoon:

After being the center of an abortion-funding controversy during debate on the new health-care reform law, Rep. Bart Stupak has decided to call it quits. The Michigan Democrat was being targeted by teabaggers who were spending plenty of time and money in an effort to oust him come November. The AP reports that three little-known Republicans are on the ballot for Stupak’s seat, along with an anti-abortion Democrat who planned to challenge the congressman in the Democratic primary. Stupak said the teabaggers had nothing to do with his decision. He says he's just tired of the travel involved with the job. The funny thing is, the whole abortion hysteria that Stupak was at the center of was really a non-issue that was whipped up by health-care reform opponents. It was much like the non-existent “death panels” that a certain village idiot screeched about. I don't think Stupak's retirement is any great loss for our country, but you never know what the people of his district might get in his place. Could be a great statesman or stateswoman. Chances are it won’t be.

•••

Major league umpire Joe West was probably out of line for doing what he did, but baseball fans everywhere most likely agreed with his statement that the length of baseball games is ridiculous. In an interview with the Bergen Record in New Jersey, West ripped into the New York Yankees and Boston Red Sox over the slow pace of play in their season-opening series. He called it a “disgrace to baseball.” And he’s right. Anyone who watches baseball regularly has to be frustrated by pitchers who wander around the mound licking their fingers and then wiping them on their trousers repeatedly, adjusting their caps six or eight times and then shaking off their catcher until said catcher has to come out and have a personal conversation with the hurler. And sometimes that's just to get one pitch thrown. The batters are no better. After almost every pitch, they step out of the batter’s box and adjust their protective cups, their helmets, their batting gloves, their shoes, their uniform shirts, their pants, etc., etc., etc. The powers that be in baseball have said they want to shorten games, but they apparently won't give the umpires the backing to crack down on these delays, or they're not demanding that the umpires do so. As retired player Curt Schilling noted, the umps also could go a long way in helping to shorten games if they'd just simply call more strikes. If you know what the rules say about the strike zone, you also know that not a single umpire in Major League Baseball adheres to it. Every ump seems to have his own personal conception of what a strike zone entails. Some won't call "high strikes." Some won't call "low strikes." Others won't call an "inside strike" but will give the pitcher a strike call on a ball that remains six inches off the outside part of home plate. If the umpires started calling strikes in the zone laid out in the rule book, there would be a lot more swinging of bats and a lot fewer full counts. And a lot faster games.

On burgers, briefs, buffoons and bones

A few random thoughts:

I saw a story on the Internet this week clearly illustrating that some people have too much time on their hands and also are horribly misguided. A watchdog group called Corporate Accountability International is mounting a campaign to have Ronald McDonald removed as mascot of the fast-food chain bearing the same name, apparently because he is leading kids to potentially unhealthy fast food. Now, certainly, kids think Ronald is a pretty cool guy, and they're big on the Happy Meals, but Ronald isn't going to their houses and giving them rides to the Golden Arches. It's up to parents to decide whether their children get a Happy Meal or a Filet-O-Fish or a Big Mac and fries. We can only assume that Corporate Accountability International will be coming out in favor of the Hamburglar, with hopes that he will snatch cheeseburgers from the hands of children. What they should really do is just shut up.

When it comes to groceries, I'm very picky about what I buy. I'm not saying I only buy healthy foods, but that I make sure the junk that I'm putting into my body is top-quality junk. When it comes to clothes shopping, I'm not nearly so meticulous. Ask anyone who has seen how I dress. My inattention to detail proved to be a problem the other day. I was in the market for some underwear, so I went to the local store with the bull's-eye logo and checked out its offerings. I've always been a briefs guy, and when I spotted a six-pack of nice-looking, well-priced “sport briefs,” I tossed them in the cart. It was only when I got them home and tried on a pair that I noticed ... there's no hole in the front of these briefs. My underwear have always had holes in a useful place, so this has required a bit of an adjustment in my bathroom routine. The whole thing left me wondering, though. Do "sporty" people not go Number One all that often? And when they do go, do they maybe sit? Sorry. That's just how my twisted mind works.

No one does a better job of treating their viewers like drooling imbeciles than local TV newscasters. During prime time, they'll breathlessly run promos for their 11 o’clock news with teasers like this: “Is a serial killer stalking South Hills residents?” Then they'll come on at 11 and tell you that, no, it was a false alarm. I was actually just a raccoon going through people's trash cans. I exaggerate, but you get the drift. This next part is real. The other night, the irritatingly kooky Wendy Bell on WTAE was teasing an upcoming story about the Steelers’ preseason schedule. She said something about the Steelers facing “strange competition” next preseason and telling viewers to stay tuned to find out what “enemies” the black and gold would be facing. This really had me wondering. Would the Steelers perhaps be squaring off against the Colgate University lacrosse team? Canadian female curlers? The Bangladesh national badminton squad? Uh, no. Turns out they'll be playing a couple of teams they don’t normally play in the exhibition season. And what’s with this “enemies” stuff? Those preseason games are glorified practices. There's not enough anger or enmity in those so-called contests to fuel a go-cart. The real rage should come from season-ticket holders who have to pay top dollar for the right to attend those auditions for third-string tight ends.

Finally, let's talk about lunch meat. It never seemed odd to me when stores advertised “ham off the bone.” Real hams have a bone right down the middle, and one could easily imagine somebody carving lunch meat off of them. But last night on TV, I saw a Shop ’n Save ad touting turkey off the bone. Huh? Last time I checked, turkeys had lots of bones, and I couldn't think of one particular turkey bone that a butcher might be carving slices of lunch meat from. What's next? Bologna off the bone? Salami off the bone? Maybe head cheese off the bone? Just wondering.

The weird world of sports

A few non-March Madness thoughts on sports:

– People who know me are well aware that I'd rather have a painful medical procedure than watch figure skating on a regular basis. Now I see that they have created a "reality show" based on pairs figure skating called “Thin Ice.” It sounds really dramatic, but here's what it is: Figure skaters will be skating with other figure skaters who are NOT THEIR REGULAR PARTNERS! Oh ... my ... God. The missus is convinced that this is a major deal and super challenging because they're not used to skating with different people. I think it's a lot like taking major league baseball players and seeing if they can play slow-pitch softball, or taking football running backs and seeing if they can also run fast without their pads on.

– Another sport that I try to avoid like the plague because I find it about as exciting as watching grass grow is soccer. But it's pretty clear that somebody high up in the company at ESPN is a really, really big soccer fan. Because on ESPN News, when they run the crawl across the bottom with scores and sports news, scores from the English Premier League, the Italian Series A league, etc., are part of the regular rotation. I think I can say with great confidence that the overwhelming majority of ESPN's viewers couldn't give less of a $%^# about Italian soccer scores. But one of the big honchos at ESPN or its parent company must really want to see them, so the rest of us are subjected to them.

– The folks at ESPN were also nearly breathless over the weekend about their "exclusive interview" with illustrious golfer and serial adulterer Tiger Woods. Well, one would think it must be a lengthy, in-depth examination of Tiger's travails and his pending return at the Masters. Uh, not so much. ESPN and the Golf Channel got five minutes with Tiger. Yeah, five minutes. It took them more time to fire up the cameras and get people's microphones pinned on that it did for the interview itself. Apparently, the same interview offer was made to CBS, which said it would be delighted to conduct an in-depth, no-restrictions interview with the golfer. When Tiger's handlers told CBS they would get five minutes, the network told Tiger's lackeys to pound salt. Good for CBS. The only thing ESPN and the Golf Channel accomplished was to be used by Tiger. They were the pawns in his game, which will enable him to go to the Masters and claim, "I already did an interview about the other stuff, and I'm only going to talk about golf." The folks from ESPN and the Golf Channel should never, ever be able to claim again that they are professional journalists. They're media whores for Tiger Woods.

It's long past time to grow up

Unless you've been living underground for the past few days, you're well aware that the beloved “Big Ben” Roethlisberger is in hot water again as a result of his alleged conduct with a member of the fairer sex. In this latest case, a 20-year-old college student is accusing the Steelers quarterback of sexually assaulting her inside a nightclub in Milledgeville, Ga. This comes just months after Roethlisberger was sued by a woman who claims the athlete raped her at a Lake Tahoe hotel in 2008. In the earlier case, I was inclined to believe Roethlisberger. The woman who sued him never made a criminal complaint, and the whole thing had a funny "smell" about it. We don't know yet, and may never know, what happened in the latest case, but Roethlisberger’s "people" are sure taking it seriously. Almost immediately, they suggested that the woman involved had an ulterior motive and said the fact that no charges were instantly filed indicated no crime was committed. For those of you counting, that's one piece of character assassination and one outright lie. Police in George continue to conduct their investigation, and once they have talked to everyone involved, including Roethlisberger and his "posse,” and have examined all the evidence, including surveillance video, they'll make a decision about whether a crime did, in fact, occur. That’s the correct way to proceed. The fact that Roethlisberger wasn't immediate cuffed and taken to jail means nothing. And the hiring Monday of high-profile defense lawyer Ed Garland, whose past clients have included rapper T.I. and Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis, suggests to me that Roethlisberger and his handlers think, or fear, that criminal charges might be forthcoming. But even if no charges are filed, Roethlisberger’s image has taken another savage beating. Most people were willing to forgive the stupidity of his helmetless motorcycle crash and to overlook the Lake Tahoe incident, based on what became known about the case. But this stink isn't dissipating as quickly, and some fans are finally questioning the lifestyle choices being made by their football hero. I've always thought of Roethlisberger as an egotistical, insincere jerk. And apparently I'm not alone. The AP reported the other day that Roethlisberger has become known for “occasionally inelegant behavior in Pittsburgh.” The story said the quarterback has been the target of complaints from restaurant owners in the ’Burgh who say he has tried to skip out on bills on the grounds that he brought business to the establishments by gracing them with his presence. In Georgia, a college girl who was in the bar where the sexual assault allegedly took place said she was one of the young ladies allowed into the VIP area with Roethlisberger and his contingent. According to the AP, the young lady, Amber Hanley, said she asked Roethlisberger to take a photo with a friend whose boyfriend was a fan, but Hanley said Roethlisberger seemed disappointed that the girl wasn't interested in “something more.” Hanley told the AP that when she rolled her eyes at Roethlisberger, he cussed her and walked away, only to begin “aggressively hitting on another girl.” Based only on my perceptions of Roethlisberger and anecdotal evidence, I’m not inclined to doubt her. I’ve also heard very disturbing stories from young women I know about the nightclub behavior of other Steelers players, some of whom reportedly developed temporary amnesia about the wife and kids back home. There are plenty of people in other professions who behave badly, but professional athletes have to know they’re in the spotlight, and that their actions can reflect badly on fellow players and the franchise. And Roethlisberger clearly doesn't get it. At age 28, he’s no longer some deer-in-the-headlights-of-fame kid fresh out of college. In the Nevada case, I don’t recall him ever denying he had sex with the woman in question, just that he didn’t rape her. I think it’s fair to question his morality if he bedded down with a virtual stranger, even though that doesn't seem to bother a lot of people these days. Nevertheless, after the civil case was filed, you would think that any intelligent person would modify his behavior so as not to put himself in such a position again. Not Roethlisberger. His love of the nightlife apparently lives on unabated, and you have to believe that the Steelers’ brass are not very pleased about the attention he‘s getting. There’s an incredible level of irresponsibility about all this. Not that Roethlisberger is the worst offender. I saw a story over the weekend about cornerback Antonio Cromartie of the Jets, whose contract apparently had to be restructured to account for his child-support obligations. He’s 25 years old, and he already has seven children by six different women. Nice. Fortunately for the NFL, there are quality people like Peyton Manning, Drew Brees and Donovan McNabb playing in the league. Unfortunately for us Steelers fans, we have the quarterback with the moral, intellectual and emotional development of a 14-year-old.

Here's a “Guy” who should be fired

Here's the background: A couple of football players at Division II Texas A&M-Commerce were arrested on drug charges. The campus newspaper printed an edition with the story of the drug bust on the front page. A couple of fellow football players went around campus stealing all the newspapers from racks to keep people from reading about the drug arrests. Now, one would expect that the football coach would immediately denounce the thievery of 2,000 newspapers. But no. Coach Guy Morriss had this response: “I’m proud of my players for doing that. This was the best team-building exercise we have ever done.” We? Was Morriss or someone else connected with running the football program behind the thefts? One has to wonder, because when campus police notified athletic director Carlton Cooper of the crime, he said he “didn’t think (the players) were smart enough to do this on their own.” James Bright, editor of the campus paper, estimated the loss from the theft at $1,100. In a lot of places, that qualifies as a felony. Yet Morriss thinks it was a “team-building exercise.” This guy should be fired immediately, because he clearly doesn't have the morals necessary to be a leader of young people. Cooper did say that Morriss and the players involved in the thefts (they were identified from surveillance video) had been disciplined, but he wouldn’t elaborate. But Cooper also seemed to be downplaying the severity of the incident, calling it an “error in judgment.” Do adults, even young adults, have to ponder the question of whether stealing is wrong? It’s not a judgment call. If administrators at the school are able to exhibit good judgment, Morriss will have coached his last game there.

How sincere

Troops are dying in Afghanistan, tens of millions of Americans are out of work and some nut flew a plane into an IRS building, but the BIG news this week is that Tiger Woods went before a TV camera and apologized for being lower than whale poop. The other night, with all that is going on in the world, ABC News' lead story was that Tiger was going to talk about his well-publicized, self-inflicted problems. Not that he WAS talking, but that he was GOING to talk. That's a sad statement about what passes for news judgment these days. And this wasn't even what one would typically consider to be a news conference. Tiger was going to read from a written statement and was refusing to answer any questions. It was all very self-serving, but most of the news media treated it as if Moses were coming down from the mountain to issue 10 more commandments. On Friday, Woods spoke for about 15 minutes. I can sum it up for you this way: Tiger is "deeply sorry" for his "irresponsible and selfish behavior." He has let us down. His wife didn't hit him with a 5-iron. He's not going to answer any questions about the status of his marriage. He's getting back into his Buddhist faith. He's going for more therapy. And he plans to return to golf someday. No @#$%, Sherlock. Does anybody really think Tiger is going to skip the Masters in April? Really, those were the only noteworthy statements in his entire speech. Only a handful of writers and a single TV camera were invited to this self-serving event. To its credit, the Golf Writers Association of America declined to send any of its members. Certainly, Woods has the right to set whatever ground rules he wants, but reporters don't have to be a part of the charade. The reaction of some media personalities was ridiculous. George Stephanopoulos of ABC said the speech was “one of the most remarkable public apologies ever by a public figure." Go overboard much, George? And golf analyst David Feherty of CBS said, "The vast number of people just want their Tiger Woods back." No, David. The vast majority of people really don't give a damn whether they ever see Tiger Woods again. Their lives just aren't that shallow. But CBS, I'll bet, really wants its Tiger Woods back, because he's the meal ticket for that network's golf coverage. I give credit to Rick Cerrone, the former public relations director of the New York Yankees. He saw through the BS and told CNN, "What I saw was arrogance. It was basically an infomercial." It's early, but I'd give the award for stupidest reaction to Debert Cook, publisher of African American Golfer's Digest, who said, "I think we are entering a whole new era spiritually and emotionally for Tiger Woods." Pardon me while I puke. The Onion gave the speech the gravity that it deserved, putting up a story with the headline, “Tiger Woods Announces Return to Sex." As always with Tiger Woods, it's all about Tiger Woods. And I'm guessing that I'm not the only one who believes that if Tiger hadn't gotten caught, he'd still be hitting the sack with as many cocktail waitresses as he could get his hands on.

Creating a smokescreen

A few thoughts about the Winter Olympics:

– That was quite a tap dance that Olympic officials did after a Georgian luger, Nodar Kumaritashvili, went off the luge course, hit a pole and died last Friday. The International Olympic Committee and officials of the sport basically blamed Kumaritashvili for his own death, citing the 21-year-old's relative inexperience. But his deadly accident came on the same day a veteran slider lost his sled in an accident and had to hang onto it for dear life as he shot down the track. And what did the IOC and luge officials do after telling everyone that the track was perfectly safe? They put up a big wall to prevent anyone else from hitting the pole, and they changed the starting points for the men and women lugers to cut down the speeds. There are also reports that Canadian Olympic officials did what they could to prevent lugers from other nations from practicing at the site until just before the games, in order to give their lugers a home-track advantage. Shameful.

– The missus is a huge Winter Olympics fan, so I've seen nothing else on my television since Friday night. I find some of the sports enjoyable to watch. Speed skating comes quickly to mind. But some of this stuff, like cross-country skiing and the ice dancing part of the figure skating competition, make curling look like “Rollerball.” And would it be too much to ask NBC to show more of the actual competitions, even if the competitors are from Zingzangistan and not in contention for medals, rather than blab, blab, blab for 50 minutes out of every hour? A little less talk, a lot more action would be nice.

– Speaking of figure skating, did anyone else notice that in the pairs and ice dancing competitions, there are a bunch of people who were born in one country but are skating under another country’s flag? Apparently, a guy from the United States can skate for France if his third-cousin’s grandmother’s brother once ate a croissant. Seriously, these rules need to be tightened up so that the competitors have to compete for the country in which they were born and lived all their lives.

Quite an embarrassment

Four people are facing charges and more could be in trouble after police review videotapes from a melee Friday night at a Wash High-Monessen boys basketball game in Monessen. Police say the incident, which Washington schools superintendent Roberta DiLorenzo described as a "riot," apparently began when a girl from Wash High and a female student from Monessen started "fighting over a male basketball player." The incident escalated, with some adults reportedly joining students in the fray. One person needed hospital treatment after the brawl, and police had to use Tasers on as many as four people to subdue them. The gym was cleared of fans before the game was allowed to continue. Two adults and a teen from Washington, along with a Monessen teen, were cited by police. It's bad enough that kids were acting like idiots, but it's shameful that so-called adults joined in. And now the superintendents of the two schools are displaying considerable gall by questioning how police handled the mess. For the record, four off-duty Monessen police officers had been hired to work the game. That right there tells me all I need to know about the atmosphere at Monessen games. If you need four cops at a high school baskeball game, you've got problems. And as it turns out, those four policemen weren't even enough to handle the mess that developed. They had to call for backup from neighboring police departments. But DiLorenzo and Monessen superintendent Cynthia Chelen are suggesting that police went overboard, questioning their use of Tasers to get the miscreants under control. Said Chelen, "Looking at the video (from TV), I'm not sure a Taser was necessary, but I was not there." So, the superintendent admittedly wasn't even at the game, yet she seems to think she knows what level of force was required to restore order. I guess Ms. Chelen would have no problem if the Monessen police chief comes to her and says, "You know, I just watched two minutes of classroom video, and I'm not sure you're doing a good job preparing your students for the PSSA tests." When it comes to how police handled this "riot," to use DiLorenzo's term, the superintendents need to put a sock in it. When severely outnumbered police officers are facing a situation where a brawl could conceivably escalate to involve dozens of people, they should do what they need to do to keep that from happening. I seem to recall that the City League in Pittsburgh used to play its football and basketball games in empty stadiums and gyms because of a legitimate, experience-based fear of violence by students and fans from the league schools. Perhaps the folks who run high school sports in Western Pennsylvania should take the same approach at places where students, parents and other fans have gained a reputation for not knowing how to act.

Weir-do

Figure skater Johnny Weir is a strange bird. No. Wait. Let's be honest. He's a walking, talking freak show of a human being. The latest strange story involving Weir centers on a small piece of white fox fur that he had his "designer" attach to his costume at the recent U.S. Figure Skating Championships. That's the "garment" shown above. Well, the costume caused the fur to fly as animal rights groups took Weir to task. Friends of Animals wrote an open letter to Weir and contacted his designer, Stephanie Handler. Initially, Weir wasn't fazed a bit, saying, "I totally get the dirtiness of the fur industry and how terrible it is to animals. But it's not something that's the No. 1 priority in my life. There are humans dying every day. There are thousands, if not millions, of homeless people in New York City. Look at what just happened in Haiti. I tend to focus my energy, if there is a cause, on humans. While that may be callous and bad of me, it's my choice." Flash forward a couple of days, and Weir decided to change his choice, announcing that his costume will henceforth be decorated with fake fur. Weir's agent says the decision was made because the skater feared that animal-rights groups might try to disrupt his performances in the upcoming Winter Olympics. Weir made it clear that it was all about him and the "dream I have had since I was a kid." He added, "I hope these activists can understand that my decision to change my costume is in no way a victory for them. I am not changing in order to appease them, but to protect my integrity and the integrity of the Olympic Games." Weir also has pointed out that all his fellow competitors are wearing skates made of cowhide. Perhaps he doesn't understand this, but there's a difference between utilitarian items such as skates and a piece of frivolous fringe on his outfit. I think these animal-rights groups go way overboard with some of their criticisms. I'm not going to give up steak dinners and ham sandwiches because an outfit like PETA doesn't like my lifestyle. But I believe they have a point when it comes to fur. Do a whole bunch of animals really need to die, and be killed in a horrific fashion, just so some rich lady can sport a floor-length mink coat? Do rabbits need to be killed so somebody can have a fancy fringe around the hood of their winter coat? And does Johnny Weir really need that stupid-looking tuft of fur on the shoulder of his goofy-looking costume? If Johnny doesn't have a problem with taking advantage of a smaller animal to make his outfit look more fabulous, I understand. But then I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I scalp him and dangle his pelt from my key ring. Hey, heterosexual guys can accessorize, too.

Might as well face it, he's addicted to love (making)

If published reports are accurate, Tiger Woods, who was last seen thrashing about on the lawn of his Florida mansion last Thanksgiving under very sketchy circumstances, has checked himself into a private clinic for treatment of sex addiction. The reports aren't very clear on where the clinic is located. One report says Arizona, another South Africa. I guess this is Tiger's way of claiming that it wasn't his fault he ditched his trousers with the frequency of a porn actor. He had a sickness, don't you know, just like all those other celebrities who suddenly find a need for rehabilitation to get off booze or pills after they run their Hummer into a house or open up a can of whoop-ass on their significant other. People magazine, which claims Tiger is in an Arizona facility called The Meadows (I don't think Delvin Miller was involved with this one), cites a source who says the golfer “should be out by Valentine’s Day or thereabouts.” Yep, Valentine's Day. You can't make this stuff up.

An old-man rant

If you've heard this before (and if you're a longtime reader of this blog, you have), please bear with me. I'm going to climb back up on my soapbox to bemoan the drop-of-a-hat frequency with which school districts either order school delays or call off classes entirely. As early as Sunday night, school districts in Western Pennsylvania already were posting two-hour delays for Monday’s classes. By Monday morning, a lot of them were changing those delays to cancellations, apparently because of the inch of snow we received. I'm all for keeping our children safe, but has anyone calculated the amount of instruction time lost when all those two-hour delays are added up? At the risk of being labeled an angry old man (I am one), I have a tale to spin for those who grew up any time after the 1980s. Back in the dark ages, 30 or 40 years ago, kids went to school in the winter, waiting outside at bus stops, if necessary, unless there was a "real" snowfall. And by real, I mean something along the lines of five or six inches of snow. We had a lady who drove our school bus along the snowy ridges out back of Taylorstown and Claysville, and I'm guessing it never occurred to her to check the radio or television for a delay or cancellation when a couple of inches of snow fell from the sky. And if someone had suggested that school be delayed because it was COLD IN THE WINTER, they'd have been looked at as if they were nuts. But today, little Suzie and little Bobby can't possibly be expected to stand outside in cold weather, even if they'd just spend the weekend playing outside for even longer periods. When I was a youngster, I never once remember one of my classmates having to go for treatment at the nurse’s office for a case of frostbite after standing at a bus stop. And while I'm ranting about how soft we've become, I'd also like to discuss, and get your thoughts, on the goings-on at Texas Tech, where the coach was run out of town after it was found that he had made a player sit in a dark tool shed a couple of times. The player in question was Adam James, son of college football legend and current TV sports analyst Craig James. The facts in this case are about as solid as butterscotch pudding, but it seems that the younger James indicated to coaches that he thought he had suffered a concussion, so the response of Coach Mike Leach was to have him sequestered in a dark equipment shed. After complaints from James' famous daddy, Leach was gone. Perhaps the coach wasn't overly sensitive in shaming a possibly injured player in front of his teammates, but from most accounts, this wasn't an instance of a tough-as-nails, hard-working player being reprimanded for a singular incident. Sources say Adam James wasn't well-acquainted with the terms "dedication" and "work ethic." In fact, acting offensive coordinator Lincoln Riley, in an e-mail to university administrators, called James "unusually lazy and entitled." That's not surprising in this day and age, when outstanding athletes, especially those from prominent families, are coddled from an early age and told they're the greatest thing since sliced bread. Texas Tech fans weren't exactly lining up to support James. An Associated Press story about the Red Raiders' Alamo Bowl victory on Saturday night said that James was booed so loudly as he left the field at halftime that it drowned out the marching band that was on the field. And Leach isn't the only coach to lose his job for being less than charming. Kansas recently ran off football coach Mark Mangino, whose crime reportedly was being mean to his players. All of this makes me wish that players like Adam James and the ones who whined about Mangino could spend a couple of weeks with Bear Bryant. They'd last less than five minutes before running home to Mommy.

Who is an athlete? What is a sport?

When the Associated Press recently named NASCAR champion Jimmie Johnson its Male Athlete of the Year, it brought up a couple of interesting questions. What is an athlete? And, what qualifies as a sport? It's hard for me to consider a guy who sits down on the job for the title of top athlete. There is no doubt that Johnson has great skills as a race car driver, including tremendous reflexes and great stamina. But I really don’t think he can be considered alongside people like Roger Federer, Usain Bolt, Peyton Manning, Lance Armstrong or Lebron James. That brings us to the question of what is a sport, and what is not. In my definition – and this is just my opinion – a sport involves defense. In other words, there has to be someone trying to stop you from doing what you want to do for an athletic event to be a "sport." To me, golf is an athletic pursuit, as are track and field events, gymnastics and ice skating. They all require athleticism, but they're not sports, at least under my definition. What are your thoughts?

Tell the whole truth

Alice Roosevelt Longworth once said, "If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me." I always liked that. What I don't subscribe to is the old saying that you don't speak ill of the dead. Perhaps what I really mean is, you shouldn't lie about the dead to make them seem better than they really were. There were two deaths in the past couple of days that I'll use to illustrate that point. Yesterday came the news that KDKA radio talk show host Fred Honsberger had died. To hear everyone talking about him, you would have thought a saint had gone to his reward. As an occasional listener to Fred's show, I thought he was a lie-spewing, truth-twisting, rude and nasty jackass. He was a leader in coarsening and debasing public discourse in our region. Some might say that it was a personna Fred displayed on his program and that he didn't really believe in everything he was saying. Well, in that case, he was a fraud. Take your pick: jackass or fraud. Then, today, we learned of the death of Cincinnati Bengals receiver and former West Virginia Mountaineer Chris Henry, who was fatally injured when he fell from a pickup truck driven by his girlfriend. For those who don't follow football closely, Henry was a sad excuse for a human being when he played at WVU, and he assembled a rap sheet as long as your arm while with the Bengals. But because he hadn't been arrested recently, everyone's talking about him as a "young man who really turned his life around." Really? The guy died while chasing his girlfriend during a domestic dispute. Sounds like a regular Ward Cleaver. I'm sorry that both these men died, especially at their ages, and I feel for their families and friends, but let's not whitewash reality. And let me make it clear that I want the same honest treatment when I die. Feel free to say that I was sometimes (most of the time?) a horse's ass. I believe strongly in telling the truth. ;-)

Random thoughts on the boob tube

A few observations after a night spent watching television:

1. There are times when, despite having a couple of hundred channels to choose from, I can't find a thing that I want to watch on television. Conversely, last night I saw a few good shows. I have to admit that I'm hooked on "Glee!" (I realize that's a somewhat shameful admission for a 51-year-old heterosexual, but it is what it is). And there were a couple of pretty good sitcoms on last night: "Modern Family" and "The Middle." I have trouble sticking with too many shows that have linear story lines, so I tend to watch lighter fare. Are there any shows you would recommend that might be flying under the radar?

2. I saw on SportsCenter that Chad Ochocinco (the former Chad Johnson) of the Cincinnati Bengals was fined something in the neighborhood of $30,000 for donning a cape and a sombrero on the sidelines after scoring a touchdown last weekend. Not on the field, mind you. On the sidelines. The NFL is, more and more, becoming a stiff, corporate "No Fun League," and W&J grad Roger Goodell, the league commissioner, is coming off as a humorless bastard who makes baseball commissioner Bud Selig, who has all the charisma of Harry Reid, look like Will Ferrell by comparison.

3. Does anyone else want to throw a brick through the television when those Jared jewelry commercials come on? They put me on the brink of wanting to retch into the nearest receptacle. I swear that if I were in the market for jewelry, I'd strip some off the rotting corpse of a dead hooker before I'd darken the door of one of their stores.

Smart move?

There's no doubt that Tiger Woods is well within his legal rights in declining to talk with police about the car accident outside his mansion late last week, but one wonders whether he's doing himself any favors by not being upfront about what went down. At this point, the facts appear to be as follows: In the wee hours of Saturday morning, Woods reportedly mowed down a fire hyrdrant and hit a tree with his Cadillac Escalade while leaving his driveway. When emergency personnel arrived, they found him bleeding from the mouth and going in and out of consciousness. His wife reportedly used a golf club to bash out the back windows of the Caddy and help him from the vehicle. Woods initially gave indications that he would talk to police about the wreck, but after putting them off for a couple of days, he sent his attorney out to give officers his driver's license, registration and proof of insurance. Legally, that's all he has to do. But from a public relations standpoint, his refusal to address the details of the wreck publicly are leading to the very kind of speculation he'd be better off without. "This is a private matter, and I want to keep it that way," Woods said in a statement. He may very well wish that it were a private matter, but Woods happens to be the most famous athlete in the world, who puts himself front and center with multimillion-dollar endorsement deals, and when he starts slamming into fire hydrants and trees with his luxury vehicle, it's big news. Especially since it follows by mere days a National Enquirer report that Woods had been seeing a nightclub hostess and that they were together in Australia when Woods played in a golf tournament there. No one has suggested that Woods was drunk when the wreck occurred, but some certainly are left to wonder whether he was speeding away from his house after a go-round with the missus. Others have suggested that the mouth injuries the golfer suffered might have been inflicted by an angry spouse, not the steering wheel of an Escalade. Still others question how Woods could have had a wreck such as he reported being involved in and not have the airbags of the Caddy deploy. And is it remotely possible that Tiger’s bride bashed out the windows of the SUV before the wreck, perhaps as her hubby was hightailing it out of the driveway? As the AP asks in a story today, if Woods just made a driving blunder, why wouldn't he simply talk to the police and tell them that? Hmmmmmm.

Choose humor targets wisely

Bob Griese, the ex-pro quarterback and current ESPN college football commentator, got himself in hot water last Saturday over a joking comment made during the Ohio State-Minnesota game. During the game, ESPN ran a promotion for the Sunday NASCAR race on ABC. The five top drivers in the Sprint Cup standings were mentioned in the promo, and Griese’s fellow announcer, Chris Spielman, asked why Colombian driver Juan Pablo Montoya (shown above) wasn't mentioned. Griese, apparently not very clear on Montoya’s country of origin, said Montoya was “out having a taco.” Griese was immediately on the political correctness hotseat. Later in the same telecast, Griese issued an apology for his comment, no doubt at the direction of the network. ESPN later issued an apology on top of Griese’s apology. And if that weren’t enough, during the broadcast of the Florida-Mississippi State game Saturday night, the folks at ESPN had Griese get on the phone and read another apology. All this over someone suggesting that a person ate a taco? It's not like he hurled an epithet or racial slur at Montoya. But in the world of political correctness, there seems to be a hierarchy of groups that you can and cannot poke fun at. Had Griese made a comment about the dining preferences of black Americans, he’d probably be looking for work by now, after the obligatory news conferences by Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. Because Montoya is a South American, he got away with an apology. But if he had joked that a German driver stopped off for a knockwurst or that a British driver took a tea break, I'm guessing that nary a word would have been said. The lesson here: Choose your joke targets wisely.

Kick him to the curb

It's becoming almost commonplace, but Steelers management is being given another chance to show fans whether the team has any serious standards for player behavior off the field. The person in the unwanted spotlight this time is kicker Jeff Reed, who appears to have transformed over the past few years from humble free-agent signee to out-of-control celebrity party animal. For those who missed it, Reed, who just recently pleaded guilty to charges stemming for his assault on a paper towel dispenser at a Westmoreland County Sheetz store, had a run-in with police on the North Side just hours after Sunday's victory over the Browns. Police tell it like this: Officers were responding to an unrelated call when they spotted Reed's teammate Matt Spaeth peeing in a parking lot. As police were taking information from Spaeth in order to cite him for watering the lot, Reed exited a vehicle and confronted the officers, putting up his fists and, according to a police affidavit, getting into a "fighter's stance." Perhaps Reed was still basking in the afterglow of his knockout victory over the paper towel dispenser, but he soon found out that police will fight back. He ended up being taken to the ground and handcuffed. His agent, of course, claims Reed was attacked by the cops. Don Henderson told the Post-Gazette that Reed got out of the car "to help." Right. Now the kicker faces charges of assault, resisting arrest, disorderly conduct and public drunkenness. Are the Steelers OK with that? The team has shown a willingness to cut players who become unwelcome distractions - Bam Morris and Najeh Davenport come to mind - but that applies only if the player can be easily replaced. By essentially ignoring the transgressions of star players such as Santonio Holmes and James Harrison, the team has made it clear that there is one standard for so-so players and another for stars. One can understand if classy Mr. Spaeth's incident is overlooked, even though most folks who are approaching their 26th birthday have gained the maturity to rely exclusively on indoor plumbing. But Reed's case is another matter entirely. If what police say is true, that makes him a repeat offender, and also stupid as a box of rocks. And when someone starts wrestling with cops, they need to go. Of course, there will be some, perhaps many, Steelers fans who will dismiss this as nothing more than boys being boys. Of course, some of those fans would stand by their "Stillers" in the face of any accusation short of rape and murder. And a few, no doubt, would say the rape victim must've been asking for it and the murder victim provoked the dear Steeler involved in the homicide. My guess is that the Steelers will fall back on the old "let the case take its course through the criminal justice system" position, rather than switch kickers in midseason. Reed's contract is up this year, so he's probably on his way out the door, but if the Steelers had any integrity and moral standards, he'd be booted today.

No Rush

It didn’t take long for a group trying to buy the St. Louis Rams to figure out that they’d be better off without the participation of radio talk host Rush Limbaugh. Limbaugh was to be a limited partner in a group led by Dave Checketts, chairman of the St. Louis Blues hockey team, but his presence attracted opposition from some NFL players, and at least one owner and the NFL commissioner made it clear they were rather cool to the idea of Limbaugh being connected with the league. Al Sharpton, who never saw a light on a TV camera without running toward it, also decried Limbaugh's bid, but who really cares what Sharpton says. Limbaugh, predictably, said the opposition to his involvement "is about the ongoing effort by the left in this country, wherever you find them, in the media, the Democrat Party, or wherever, to destroy conservatism, to prevent the mainstreaming of anyone who is prominent as a conservative." As if often the case, Limbaugh is lying. His talk show and the conservative Fox News are hugely popular in this country. The problem isn’t that Limbaugh is a conservative. It's that he's a horse's behind. There's an old saying to the effect that when you make your bed, you have to lie in it. In Limbaugh's case, that means that when you‘re a divisive, polarizing racist, sometimes it comes back to bite you.

"Jackass of the Month" race too close to call

It seems some ABC news employees who were listening in on a conversation between President Obama and CNBC’s John Harwood before the start of an interview tweeted that Obama had some unkind words for Kanye West. For those who missed it, West mounted the stage at last weekend’s MTV Video Music Awards and commandeered the microphone from pop-country teen star Taylor Swift, who had just won the award for “Best Female Video.” West proclaimed to the crowd that Beyonce Knowles, not Swift, should have won the award. Well, it appears the president has the same opinion of West as most other people. On the audio feed that was listened in on by the ABC folks, Obama is asked why West would do what he did. Replied the president, “He’s a jackass.” Couldn’t have put it better myself. There’s been some debate about whether Obama’s remarks should have been reported, or shared on Twitter. But it’s really a tempest in a teapot. The real issue is the growing number of jackasses we encounter in our daily lives. Never in American history have people been as rude as they are today. Other recent examples are good old Joe Wilson and Serena Williams, who let loose with a threatening, F-bomb-laden tirade against a line judge a few days ago at the U.S. Open. Wilson and Williams have not been serial offenders, but it’s not the first time that West has climbed on an awards show stage to make his displeasure known. And has anybody else noticed that Kanye only complains when it’s a white person winning an award? Bill Maher said recently that we’re becoming a nation of stupid people (It’s getting harder and harder to dispute that.). It seems we’re also becoming a nation of really rude, angry people. Not a good combination.

First takes

After enduring the exhibition season, it was nice to sit down last night to watch an NFL game that actually meant something. The added bonus was the Steelers pulling out an overtime victory over the Titans. Here are a few thoughts I had while watching the game. Feel free to chip in with yours.

– Maybe it's just me, but I found it offensive that Nike is selling equipment touted as "Pro Combat." Combat? Really?

– The General Electric ads with the singing factory workers were great.

– Cris Collinsworth did a pretty fair job in his debut next to Al Michaels.

– Michaels remains solid, as always, but he's beginning to look like the picture of Dorian Gray.

– The Titans have a tough defense, but the Steelers’ offensive line had a heckuva time opening any holes, and the running backs didn't do much with the ones they did open.

– The Brett Favre Sears ad showed that Favre has a sense of humor and the ability to mock himself.

– Mewelde Moore was a solid contributor, but the formerly "Fast" Willie Parker looks as if he's slowing down, and Rashard Mendenhall is making me have unwelcome flashbacks to Greg Hawthorne and Tim Worley.

– Am I the only one who deliberately avoids all the pre-game hoopla and turns on the TV just in time for kickoff?

– It's tough to lose Troy Polamalu with an injury, but it's better than losing Ben Roethlisberger.

– Tom Brady, Drew Brees and Peyton Manning might post more impressive raw passing numbers, but if the chips are down, I'd rather have Roethlisberger under center.

Will you watch?

Tomorrow night, Michael Vick will be taking his first snaps as a member of the Philadelphia Eagles. Are you interested in watching to see how he performs? Will you refuse to watch Eagles games because he's a member of the team? I'm in the latter camp. If on a particular Thursday or Saturday or Sunday or Monday this coming season, the Eagles game is the only one on the tube, I'll watch something else. The problem is, every time I see Vick, all I can think of are the horrifying images of the violence and death he perpetrated against innocent animals. Sure, there are plenty of other people playing in the NFL who carry baggage, some of it criminal, but no one else in my memory carried out such a long-term, sickening assault on fellow living beings. And it's not like Vick is some solid citizen who just had a fall from grace. He was a known scumbag before any of this dog-fighting mess came to light. I don't think he should be banned from playing, but I don't have to watch it. Unless, of course, they guarantee that I'll see something like what’s portrayed in the photo above.

Lewdy-ville

Consider this scenario: A married man with five children who works with young people, some as young as 17 or 18, has sex with a woman in a restaurant after a night of drinking and later antes up $3,000 so she can have an abortion. Do you think he'd be likely to lose his job? Not if he is ultra-successful Louisville basketball coach Rick Pitino. The coach has admitted that he had sex at a restaurant table after hours with Karen Sypher, a woman now accused of trying to extort money from Pitino after the sordid affair. A couple of weeks later, she came to him, said she was pregnant, expressed an interest in getting an abortion but said she didn't have health insurance to cover the procedure. Pitino coughed up $3,000. At a news conference Wednesday, he said he wasn't specifically paying for an abortion, just for health coverage for Sypher. Riiiight. It was just a coincidence that the health insurance was used to abort an allegedly Pitino-fertilized egg. While some allegations might be debatable, and others may be in dispute, the image Pitino is projecting now is that of an alcohol-fueled, scheming, abortion-buying adulterer. Is this the person you want leading the young men on a college basketball team? At Lousville, based on the statements of college leaders, that answer is a resounding "Yes!" This despite the fact that Pitino's contract has a morals clause that allows dismissal if the coach is guilty of moral depravity or puts the school in a bad public light. He's lucky there's not a clause regarding hypocrisy, because Pitino has always portrayed himself as a devout Catholic who even took a priest friend along on road trips as a spiritual adviser. But the "good folks" at Louisville are turning a blind eye to the coach's transgressions and figuratively wiping their behinds with the page of Pitino's contract that involves morality and common decency. After all, he wins lots of games and brings in big money to the school. And in college basketball, where elite players are gone almost as quickly as they arrive on campus, big-name coaches are the stars. If this were a second-year coach with a so-so win-loss record, he'd be gone quicker than you could say Jack Robinson. It would be ever-so-convenient for the powers to be at Louisville to send an underachieving coach packing without having to pay the rest of his contract while wringing their hands and lamenting his unconscionable moral failings. In America, we typically believe in giving our fellow man second chances. But some actions, by some people, are not forgivable, or shouldn't be. If an apprentice carpenter crafts a bad window frame, he deserves another chance. If you're a bank teller, and your cash drawer comes up short $50 one day, you deserve another chance. But if you're a newspaper reporter who deliberately submits a false story, you should be canned immediately. If you’re a county treasurer who pockets tax money, you should be fired and put on trial. And if you're a married father of five, and you engage in morally repugnant behavior with a stranger after a night of drinking, and then pay thousands of dollars to "clean up" your little mess, you should no longer be leading young people. We all fall short of leading the lives we should be leading, but certain jobs carry expectations of a higher standard of integrity and upstanding behavior. There are lines that cannot be crossed, behaviors that cannot be forgiven. Pitino has failed miserably in meeting those standards. But we are now a nation in which egregious crimes against morality that once brought harsh indignation are met with a shrug.

The wild, wacky world of Pittsburgh sports

There are a couple of big stories today in the world of Pittsburgh sports. For one, the Pirates have unloaded the albatross known as Adam LaRoche. I have included in this post, for your enjoyment and wonder, a photo of LaRoche actually making contact with a baseball. The guy looked like a sure bet to be a 35-homer, 100-RBI guy when the Pirates acquired him from the Braves, but he’s been a huge disappointment. After two seasons in which he fell well short of expectations and apparently didn’t realize that the season starts in April, not July, the Pirates, in the past offseason, gave the guy a $7 million contract. And LaRoche responded by hitting .247 with a paltry 12 homers and 81 strikeouts in 87 games. LaRoche is a slick fielder at first base, but the Bucs acquired him for his bat. Now Red Sox fans can watch him and pull their hair out. In exchange for LaRoche, the Sox sent the Pirates two low-level minor leaguers, including a shortstop who is hitting .253 with zero homers at Class AA. The Bucs also got a Single A pitcher. I frequently rip the Pirates for trading away talented players and getting next to nothing in return, but in this case, a can of Spam and a tampon applicator would have been sufficient. Now we can all wait and see what the Pirates’ “brain trust” decides to do with second baseman Freddy Sanchez and shortstop Jack Wilson, arguably the two biggest fan favorites on the team. Sanchez is a legitimate all-star, and Wilson is a great defensive shortstop who is adequate at the plate. The Nutting family recently made a show of their so-called efforts to sign Sanchez and Wilson to contract extensions, but the offers were laughable. They were clearly made so that when the Nuttings send Sanchez and Wilson packing in exchange for the figurative bucket of balls, they can say, “We wanted to keep them around, but they wouldn’t sign an extension.” And it’s not like the Bucs have anyone else to plug into those positions. No one on the roster or in their minor-league system is ready to be an everyday major league middle infielder. The Nuttings, at that point, will officially be putting a Triple-A quality product on the field and charging you major league money for it. We are well past the point when anyone in his right mind would put money into the pockets of the Nutting family. If Sanchez and Wilson go, it should be even more clear.

***

The other big sports story in Pittsburgh is really a non-story. Some hotel clerk in Las Vegas has filed a lawsuit claiming that a year ago, Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger raped her in his room at a Lake Tahoe hotel and casino. I won’t go into the details of her allegations, because the story has already been beaten to death in the local media. But here’s a question: Does anyone really believe this woman? She never called police to report an assault, and just before the statute of limitations on a civil action was about to run out, she files a suit seeking more than $400,000 in damages. Hmmmmm. Another angle of this story is the media coverage it has received. We all know that if a Steelers player, especially a star player, has so much as an irregular bowel movement, we get breathless “team coverage” of the important “breaking news.” The TV stations, of course, are going totally bat@#$% crazy over the Roethlisberger story. As one commenter pointed out elsewhere on the blog, they’re even sending reporters to Las Vegas to get to the bottom of this. The correct approach to this story would have been to report it once and then give it the coverage it deserves, which is to be totally ignored until the case comes to trial, is settled or is dismissed. Enough already.

What's with these guys?

I'm going to offer a hypothesis about a subgroup of NFL players: Is it possible that people who are gifted with lightning speed and great hand-eye coordination are, as a result, left with fewer brain cells than the average person? I'm talking about wide receivers. The latest case in point is Cleveland Browns wideout Donte Stallworth, at left, who just cut a deal in a DUI manslaughter case that ended with his receiving a 30-day jail term. Let's not forget the details of this case. Stallworth was speeding and drunk when he ran over and killed 59-year-old construction worker Mario Reyes with his Bentley in Miami Beach. Stallworth does face two years of house arrest and eight more years of probation, along with a lifetime driver's license suspension and lots of community service. It still seems as if 30 days behind bars is a light sentence for killing someone. Maybe the fact that Stallworth reached a "confidential financial settlement" with the Reyes clan led to what the AP called "the fervent wish by the victim's family to put the matter behind them." Stallworth isn't the only NFL receiver in the news for the wrong reasons lately. The Steelers' own Santonio Holmes, who was dumb enough to be driving around with marijuana cigars in his car, had his charges dropped because the search of his vehicle presented problems for prosecutors. And then there's our old pal Plaxico Burress, who had his trial on charges stemming from his self-inflicted wounding delayed once again. Also on this roster of screw-ups are Denver problem child Brandon Marshall, the infamous Chris Henry and the petulant-but-productive Terrell Owens. I guess if you've spent your adult life getting out of scrapes because of your physical skills, this is the way you behave (or misbehave). That might explain why you don't see long-snappers acting like this.

Dumb + ass = dumbass

I've never gotten the impression that James Harrison would be a likely target if one were looking for a person with whom to have an intelligent conversation, but the Steelers linebacker took stupidity to a new low over the weekend when asked about the team's upcoming trip to the White House to be honored for its Super Bowl victory earlier this year. It seems James is passing on the event. His reasoning? James says that if the president really wants to see the Pittsburgh Steelers, he should invite them in a year when they DIDN'T win the Super Bowl, not just because they won a championship. He went on to say that if Arizona had won the Super Bowl, the president would've invited THEM to the White House. Duh! Perhaps James has been living under a rock, but it has been a tradition for many years for the president to invite championship-winning college and pro teams to be honored at the White House. Note the word "honored." It's an honor, James. And, yes, it's for winners. Like the Steelers this year. I'm beginning to think James suffered some sort of lasting brain damage from the incident last year when he allegedly busted down a bedroom door to smack his baby's mama. That, or maybe he's just really dumb, or a major league horse's ass. Or both.

True stories on April Fools' Day

One advantage the NFL has over the other major sports leagues is that its teams and players make news year-round. However, it's not always good news. Here are some updates on the major stories of the supposed offseason:

It appears that Jay Cutler will soon be known as the former quarterback of the Denver Broncos. For those of you who haven't been following along, Cutler has been in a funk since he found out that his employer had shopped him in trade talks in an effort to get Matt Cassel, late of the New England Patriots. Cutler's approach since then has been to act like a whiny little b ... uh, bad boy ... and demand that the Broncos trade him to a team that will appreciate him and kiss his keister in the manner to which he's become accustomed since Pee Wee ball. It appears he's getting his wish. There are reports out of Denver that the team is actively trying to trade Cutler. Just more evidence that the inmates are running the asylum.

Our old "friend" Michael Vick is slipping back into the public eye. The convicted dog murderer, whose prison term will soon be coming to an end, is now trying to get his finances in order in bankruptcy court. Earlier this week, there were reports that Vick has agree to pay his old employer, the Atlanta Falcons, about $6.5 million for leaving the team in the lurch via his criminal behavior. The settlement is expected to be one of the topics when Vick appears in bankruptcy court Thursday. If all goes according to plan, and the deal is approved, the Falcons would be in a position to cut Vick. Then it gets interesting. Will any team, lured by Vick's unquestioned athletic ability, be willing to take a chance on a "man" who viciously killed dogs? My guess is that someone will step forward, trot out the old chestnut that "everyone deserves a second chance" and sign this reprobate to a contract. Of course, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell would have to sign off first, and he's gained a reputation as a "hanging judge" in dealing with players who break the law. But if Vick is cleared to play and signs with a team, how could any fan of that team, in good conscience, ever watch another one of their games? The good news is that the Steelers would never touch this kind of vermin.

And let's not forget our buddy Plaxico Burress. Plaxico's criminal case for stupidly shooting himself in the leg in a bar last November was continued this week until June. I don't really have a strong opinion on whether Plaxico deserves to go to jail on the charge of carrying an unlicensed .40-caliber handgun, but why was it necessary to delay the case? Supposedly, prosecutors and Burress' lawyers are discussing a plea deal, but Burress' people reportedly are balking at his doing any significant jail time. Burress attorney Benjamin Brafman said the two sides are "continuing to work our respective investigations." Investigations? It seems pretty cut and dried. The boob was carrying a handgun he shouldn't have been carrying. It went off and wounded him in the thigh. Either cut a deal or proceed to trial. Plaxico's current employers, the New York Giants, are said to be willing to take him back. Of course, these are the idiots who, despite Burress' repeated refusals to comport himself as a professional and/or an adult, signed him to a $35 million contract extension last September. Prosecutors are said to be seeking a one-year prison term for the wayward wide receiver. At the age of 31, Burress really can't afford to miss an entire season. And without football, Burress' future is a bit cloudy. I hope he has invested his earnings wisely over the years, because based on his public utterances during his years in Pittsburgh, and later in New York, it seems unlikely that he would be called upon to reprise Rex Harrison’s role in Shaw’s "Pygmalion.” Careers as a brain surgeon or a rocket scientist also appear to be out of the question.

It reeks of desperation

The Tennessee Titans really haven't had a decent receiver since Derrick Mason departed, but does that justify their decision to spend $27 million, including $9 million guaranteed, to sign Steelers free agent Nate Washington to a six-year deal? Washington says he's "ready for that responsibility to step in and be a No. 1-type receiver." Is he really? Washington caught 40 balls last season for 631 yards and three touchdowns. He's proven to be a pretty fair deep threat, but he often displays hands of stone. He's also benefited by playing against defenses that were paying a lot more attention to Hines Ward, Santonio Holmes and Heath Miller. What happens when Washington has to play every week against the opponent's top cornerback? NFL history is filled with teams that overpaid for players who were on Super Bowl-winning teams. Perhaps the worst signing belonged to the Oakland Raiders, who lavished $12.5 million on defensive back Larry Brown after he picked off two passes against the Steelers in Super Bowl XXX. That ended up being one more interception than he had in the next two seasons with the Raiders, and he was never heard from again. The fact that the Steelers made no effort to retain Washington's services suggests that they're pretty sure they can live without him. It's Tennessee that might have to live with spending at least $9 million on a guy who might never be better than a third receiver.

Oh, yeah, good times are right around the corner

You have to love the management of the Pittsburgh Pirates. They're clearly convinced that they can continue to feed the team's fans chicken poop and make them believe it's chicken salad. The latest evidence of that is the team's decision to pick up the option on manager John Russell's contract, keeping him in the fold through the 2010 season. I have no issue with teams taking the steps necessary to keep their field leaders from being lame ducks. Players tend to mail in their performances more often if they think the manager has one foot in the figurative grave. But the comments that accompanied Russell's contract extension were hilarious. General manager Neal Huntington said "J.R. met or exceeded expectations in his first year as the Pirates' manager." A little background here. The Pirates finished 67-95 in Russell's first season. The year before, they finished 68-94. Sorry, but I'm having a tough time seeing the progress. Oh, wait, here's more from Huntington: "His club worked hard to play the game properly and battled from the first out until the last." Oh, I get it now. They lost in the "proper" manner and tried really hard. Here's the bottom line: The Pirates sucked last year, just as they did the year before that and the year before that and ... I could go on and on, 16 seasons' worth of losing. And in the offseason, here's what the Pirates did to improve the team for 2008: absolutely nothing. The notion that Russell has some magic pixie dust that he can sprinkle on the same collection of average and below-average players and turn them into contenders is laughable. The owners of this team refuse to spend money on the product they put on the field. They'll toss you a few bobbleheads and have the occasional fireworks display, but the baseball itself, well, that appears to be a secondary consideration. Remember how this was all supposed to change when the taxpayer-funded PNC Park opened? Happy days were here again. The owners would have the money to buy some real players. Or fill their pockets while putting a Triple-A quality team on the field. Hmmm. Wonder which one they chose. I went to the first night game at PNC Park. Until the day comes when baseball restructures its salary system to include a salary cap that's fair to all teams, and until the day when the current owners of the Pirates sell to someone who does more than pay lip service to putting a major-league-quality team on the field, I won't spend another dollar there. Anyone who does is a boob. But you'll have the Nutting family's undying gratitude. So there's that.

Misplaced punishment

Shahar Peer, to the best of my knowledge, was not consulted when Israel launched a recent crackdown on Hamas militants in the Gaza Strip, but she’s paying a price for that action by her government. The 21-year-old Israeli tennis player, shown above, was denied a visa to participate in the Dubai Tennis Championships, solely because of her country of origin. Organizers of the Dubai event first suggested that security issues were behind the decision to bar Peer. Now they’re saying it’s because fans would boycott the tournament if Peer were allowed to play. Whatever the explanation, it’s still blatant discrimination. It reminded me of the days when the officials at Augusta National kept changing the requirements for players to qualify for the Masters in an attempt to keep black players off the course. Larry Scott, chairman of the WTA Tour, says the organization will be considering its response, which could include dropping Dubai from the tournament schedule next year. Said Scott, “Sports and politics should not mix, and the fundamental principles upon which the … WTA Tour are founded include open and fair competition to all, regardless of nationality, creed, race, religion, etc.” If it had any backbone, the WTA would have immediately canceled the event unless Peer was reinstated. The other players, if they had any integrity, should have refused to play without her. Tiger Woods has significant business interests in Dubai and carries considerable clout. Perhaps he will take a stand. Nah. There’s money to be made in Dubai. And money almost always trumps doing the right thing.

Are you kidding me?

It appears that no one in Washington School District has the requisite expertise to handle the delicate and extremely complicated task of hiring someone to show kids how to play football and be better humans. Superintendent Roberta DiLorenzo said the district might hire a “neutral football expert” to review applications from those interested in replacing Bill Britton, who was let go as coach last month. Are we to believe that the district will spend valuable taxpayer dollars to pay a football coach-hiring consultant? Are the members of the school board not qualified to hire an athletic coach? Are the administrators equally incompetent in this regard? Doesn’t the district have an athletic director who has been around since shortly after the Crucifixion? Said DiLorenzo, in explaining the idea, “It’s a critical position, a hot topic in the community.” Is teaching English considered a “critical position”? Is an outside expert required to hire a science teacher? If the district is hell-bent on going this route, I just heard that Brett Farve is retiring, again. Maybe he’d be interested in lending a hand to this all-important pursuit.

Super and not-so-super

As everyone knows by now, unless there are still some Japanese soldiers from World War II living in caves, the Steelers have picked up the franchise’s sixth Lombardi Trophy with their last-minute comeback victory over the Cardinals. A few thoughts on the game, the pageantry and the aftermath:

- This will not qualify as groundbreaking information for anyone who has watched the guy, but is there a bigger doofus on TV in Pittsburgh than Channel 11’s John Fedko? Amid his postgame screaming, Fedko declared that the just-completed contest was the “greatest Super Bowl ever.” Really? That thought never crossed my mind. A good game, no doubt. But best ever? Huh?

- Not to pick on WPXI, but who directed their postgame coverage? Chimps? It was one of the most disjointed messes I’ve ever witnessed.

- A woman interviewed by one of the Pittsburgh TV stations after the game said it was “the greatest night of my life.” Lady, you’ve had a really sad life.

- I thought the ads, on average, weren’t as good as in some years past. I did enjoy the CareerBuilder ad with the screaming lady, etc., the Denny’s ad touting their free Grand Slam Breakfast offer, the baby stock trader ads and, especially, the Doritos “crystal ball” spot.

- Larry Fitzgerald may someday be considered the greatest receiver in NFL history (yes, even better than Jerry Rice), but Santonio Holmes sure had a coming-out party last night. This guy is going to be a major star in the league, provided he confines himself to playing on the grass and not smoking it.

- The school districts that imposed two-hour delays on classes today have made it clear that, at least in their areas, a sporting event is more important than children’s educations.

- Bruce Springsteen, whom I’ve seen several times, still puts on one helluva show, but unless he was suffering from an upper respiratory condition that wasn’t disclosed, I’d say his voice is shot. That sure doesn’t encourage me to drop $50 or more for a future concert.

What are your thoughts on the game and everything that went along with it?

Pittsburgh's goin' ... and we'll be goin' insane

I’m as tickled as the next Steelers fan about the Black and Gold going to another Super Bowl. It boosts the spirits at this really dead time of year and gives folks something to focus on other than home foreclosures and their dwindling retirement accounts. But one thing I dread more than a root canal is the two weeks of insane, fawning, out-of-control crap that we’re going to be fed by the Pittsburgh TV stations. It’ll make their coverage of a two-inch “snow event” look like child’s play. I’m really looking forward to these hard-hitting stories: “North Versailles woman makes piece of toast that has image of Troy Polamalu on it” and “Big Ben’s stepmother’s hairdresser’s cousin’s sister’s boyfriend remembers Ben as a Cub Scout” and “Hines Ward pooped today; sources say it was solid.” Go Steelers!

How many outs are there?

Baseball has made a big deal about rooting out use of steroids and stimulants by its players, but where there's a will, there's a way, and Major League Baseball is helping its players get around the crackdown. Last year, more than 100 players were given exemptions to use medication to treat attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. That’s right, nearly one in every 12 major league players is using drugs we typically think of being given to schoolchildren who can’t keep their minds on their studies. What, do players lose their train of thought during that half-second that it takes for the ball to come from the pitcher’s hand to home plate? Are first basemen forgetting to cover the bag on ground balls to short. Are third basemen getting drilled by line drives because they’re thinking about puppies and kittens? Or maybe, just maybe, ballplayers who can no longer get away with taking uppers are trying to find a way to keep stimulants in their systems. Do ya think? I don’t imagine it’s too hard for a pro baseball player to find some jock-sniffing doctor to diagnose them with ADHD. Rob Manfred, Major League Baseball’s executive vice president of labor relations, said the incidence of ADHD among baseball players can’t be compared with that of the general population. Said Manfred, “We are all male. We are far younger than the general population, and we have far better access to medical care than the general population. The response by Dr. Gary Wadler, chairman of the panel that puts together the banned-substances list for the World Anti-Doping Agency, was basically to laugh at Manfred. “This is incredible. This is quite spectacular. There seems to be an epidemic of ADD in major league baseball,” said Wadler. “I’ve been in private practice for a lot of years. I can count on one hand the number of individuals (I've seen) that have ADD. To say that (8 percent) of major league baseball players have attention deficit disorder is crying out for an explanation.” I’ll offer this explanation. It’s just the typical, head-in-the-sand, don’t-confront-the-players-union approach of Major League Baseball. But who knows? Maybe if the Pirates put together a roster made up totally of players on Adderall, they could avoid a 17th straight losing season. You’re right. That’s crazy. Because the Pirates’ ownership would just hire the worst (read cheapest) ADHD players they could find.

Mmmmmm, honesty

In our PC world, it's not all that often that people in general, and especially those in the public eye, express themselves freely and honestly. And when public figures are quoted as saying something that provokes anger or outrage, they usually claim they were misquoted or that their remarks were "taken out of context." Most often, they beg forgiveness. That's why I greatly respect Detroit Lions center Dominic Raiola and Tiger Woods' caddie, Steve Williams. Raiola plays for the most hapless team in the NFL and, as one might expect, fans at Lions games are growing a bit disenchanted with the squad's performance. That apparently has translated into some rather rough talk directed toward the players. On a recent Sunday, Raiola said the heckling went too far, so he treated fans to a one-finger salute. When surrounded the next day by reporters, who no doubt were expecting a contrite Raiola to apologize, Raiola had this to say: "I don't take one thing back." Good for you, Dom. Steve Williams' transgression was to speak his true feelings about his employer's chief rival, Phil Mickelson. Williams, in an interview with a New Zealand newspaper, said he wouldn't call Mickelson a great player "because I think he's a prick." After that report came out, another newspaper called Williams about the comment, and instead of claiming he was misquoted, Williams confirmed what he had said. Of course, Woods said he was "disappointed" by the "inappropriate" remarks and that "the matter has been discussed and dealt with." But as Williams noted, "I was simply honest." How refreshing.