Suddenly, summer is nearing end
Where did the summer go? I swear it was just here a minute ago. I can’t believe we’re at Labor Day weekend already. I was just getting used to the water in the pool. This weekend, they’re going to drain that big, beautiful blue, albeit chlorinated, water. I will wave goodbye to the waves at the wave pool.
I was at the wave pool at Settlers Ridge a few weekends ago, and I was attacked by hands and feet. It’s really hard to be the only guy without an inner tube up there. I was swimming under a lot of legs. I don’t like to get the inner tube for a few reasons. I look stuffed into the center of the inner tube like the icing in a thumbprint cookie that oozes over the sides. It’s a condition for which the aforementioned thumbprint cookies are partially responsible.
I digress, like I do. I went to the wave pool twice this year. Both times I left the pool exhausted. I kept trying to swim and chat with friends on the inner tubes.
The waves won. I started going back to the nonwavy local pool. I even bought a yearly pass. I either lost money or broke even on that deal. I didn’t go as much as I would have liked.
There were two glaring reasons I didn’t make it to the pool that much this year. One: It wasn’t warm enough most of August, and prime swimming Saturdays and Sundays were rained out. Two: When it was warm, I burned myself badly. Check out the previous column where I fried myself like a slab of bacon. If you didn’t read that one, I scorched myself pretty bad. I stayed scarlet for about 10 days. I looked like a tomato with glasses and facial hair. I think people mistook me for the red M&M from the commercials.
Large dry white flakes peeled from my face the following week. I was a movie monster, constantly in search of moisturizer. “It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.”
Speaking of hoses, I didn’t wash my car nearly as much as I should have this summer. I gave myself heat stroke one day while I was washing the inside windows with Windex. I guess I could have opened the ones that I wasn’t working on at the time. I forgot to crack a window for myself and nearly microwaved my brain.
Seems I did cut the grass a lot. The mixture of heat and wet really made some beautiful, long, lush greenery, which I hacked down every week. Did you ever notice that the weeds grow faster than the grass? What’s up with that?!
Between sunburn, heat stroke, endless hours of lawn mowing and being kicked in the head by the kiddies at the wave pool, you’d think I’d be glad summer was coming to its eventual end. But no, I will need a few days of mourning. That’s me, wearing black, because I can’t wear white any more.
So long, summer. I hardly knew ye.