Bridging the gap between young, old
Q.Why do older people always compare teens to their generation in a bad way? Why don’t they trust us? Is it just because our generation is different than theirs? I don’t understand because most of us teens are all different from each other. We’re not all the same, so why do we get judged like we are?
14-year-old female
Mary Jo’s response: “The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children now are tyrants, not the servants of their household. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up food at the table and tyrannize their teachers.” This quote is attributed to Socrates or Plato (although some people speculate the words may have been said in the early 1900s). No matter when the words were originally written, they speak to a “generation gap” with long-lasting implications.
In other words, young people and older adults have a long history of clashing. Youth culture often is alien to an older adult. Your generation is extremely comfortable with social media and texting. Some older adults find computers challenging.
Your questions speak to two basic issues: trust and respect. Trust is earned. Model respectful behavior, be other-directed (think of others before self) when encountering an older adult, and communicate honestly. You were courageous in sharing your feelings with me. Select one older adult in your family and start a conversation. Listen. Older adults possess the wisdom of experience.
You’re correct. Every teen is unique. One teen should not be judged based on the actions of others. Life your life well and be the kind of teen older adults look to with respect and joy.
Our Ambassador for Respect Program this year focuses upon Respect for Older Adults. We are hosting a youth conference Dec. 5 at Washington & Jefferson College. The conference is entitled “Exploring Culture – Past (1963), Present (2013) and Future (2063).” Older adults will facilitate the conference with members of our Adolescent Advisory Board. Please connect with me if you’re interested in attending.
We want older adults to know they’re respected and visible to young people; we want young people to learn from older adults. Both older and younger people can grow from exposure to each other’s wisdom. Each person is a person of worth.
Q.Why do parents judge their teens by their friends and the choices their friends make? I don’t drink or do drugs. My parents think I will do that any minute! Even if my friends make a bad choice, it doesn’t mean I will.
14-year-old male
Mary Jo’s response: I linked your question with Question 1 since they were so close in concept. I agree, you should not be judged by the choices made by other teens. Many adults worry about peer pressure. Reassure your parents. You make your own choices.
I am honored to spend time with young people daily. Most teens are simply living their lives as well as possible. Teens work hard in school, work at part-time, demanding jobs, are committed to bands and sports teams and choirs and Teen Outreach peer education. Teens run the Common Ground Teen Center. Young people are amazing. Continue to be the strong individual you are. Your actions eventually will demonstrate our worth.
Q.My grandson is a great teenager. His grades are great, he helps with the younger kids, he holds down a part-time job, and he plays football and basketball. He’s busy. Most important is that he is very respectful to me. But he is constantly fighting with his dad (my son). They’re a lot alike. They disagree on just about everything. The irony is I remember my son acting like this with his dad when he was 16. It’s like my son has forgotten what it feels like to be young. He just needs to back off and let my grandson have a little room to grow.
Grandma of great 16-year-old
Mary Jo’s response: Thank you for your letter. Your grandson is blessed to have you in his life.
You’re correct. Many older adults seem to forget their own adolescence. Your grandson sounds like a wonderful young man. Have you tried mediating between your son and grandson? Communication is key. Show your son this column and share your thoughts.
Many fathers believe a stern approach is the best way to raise children. Talking openly may be challenging but could open the door to better interaction. Eventually our children reach adulthood. Often teens grow to be close friends with their parents and parents become their children’s adult friends. Good luck. Your family is lucky to have someone with your wisdom available.