Nov 18, 2013 3 min read

I often wonder about the people who write the scripts for television crime dramas. I am not talking about the ones who come up with storylines involving things we could not imagine happening in our communities; however, I think they could stand to have some prayers said for them! Today, I am talking about the ones who decide what the houses all look like.

Think back to any television show you have seen in recent history. Most of the homes are spotless, with nary a shoe out of place. Books are all lined up on the shelves, there are no papers piled up to go through later, no clothes are on the floor – even in homes with children! Any room that is found in disarray of any kind is called a “crime scene,” and each item that isn’t in its spot is called “evidence.”

It makes me wonder what would happen if a crew of CSIs had to come to my home for any reason.

Take my desk, for example. My desk is the drop-off point for any item that my family picks up and can’t figure out where it goes. I currently have two laptops stored there – one that works and one whose g, h and backspace keys no longer function. There are some scrapbooking supplies and tools from a project that may or may not be on the desk any longer. A broken doorknob rests to the right of that pile.

In addition, there are a couple of DVDs that have not yet been opened and an old Polaroid camera that the kids found and used for a day. Several books that I am in the middle of reading, papers that need filed, a water glass and a packet of wildflower seeds round out the mess.

Would the television CSIs assume that someone had ransacked my desk seeking an information-filled flash drive? Would the bottle of nail polish that was left open and has now hardened into unusability be seen as a point on a timeline for a supposed crime? (Don’t worry, I just threw it away.)

Then heaven forbid they would go into the laundry room on a bad day or that they see the kitchen on a night that soccer practice follows too closely after dinner. Let’s hope that no one enters the house any weekday within the first 20 minutes after the kids get home from school. During all of these times, my house falls below the standards set forth on television as normal.

My mom always said a home should be clean enough to be healthy but dirty enough to be happy, and I believe that she was right. Still, I sometimes wish that my house stayed tidier after I cleaned it. It would be nice to come upstairs and be able to immediately find what I need. Or to go to the kitchen and be able to cook without first doing the dishes from the previous meal.

It doesn’t always happen that way around here. The truth is, I much prefer to be on the sidelines cheering on the kids or cuddling up on the couch and watching a movie with them. I have all the rest of my life to keep a spotless house, but only a few more years enjoying my children.

And to miss out on them would be a real crime.

Laura Zoeller can be reached at zoeller5@hughes.net.