Ask Mary Jo
Q.I’m between a rock and a hard place. My son’s kindergarten said he needs meds to calm him down. They said he has ADHD. I hate the idea of giving him drugs of any kind. What if he changes? What if he becomes like a zombie? I love his personality and the way he’s full of life. At first, I said no, but now the school is saying he’s out of control and they want him to have the meds. What do you think? I’m afraid the school is judging me and him because I’m a young parent.
19-year-old
Mary Jo’s Response: I think you’re a caring, wise mom. Decisions about medical care for children are important and often are complicated. Thinking about choices is excellent. You are your son’s advocate.
Seeking medical advice is an incredibly important first step. Family and friends shouldn’t label a child; it’s important to connect with a quality health care provider to obtain a diagnosis. Your pediatrician can help answer your questions. Write them down before your appointment. Don’t be afraid to ask anything.
Let’s talk about ADHD, or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. An estimated eight to 10 percent of school- age children are affected by ADHD. A child with ADHD may act impulsively, without thinking, may be hyperactive and may have trouble focusing on school or on tasks at home. Imagine how challenging school would be if a child has trouble following directions or paying attention.
All young children may act like they can’t sit still or follow detailed instructions at times, especially when they’re overexcited or afraid. The difference when a child is living with ADHD deals with the intensity of the behavior. When symptoms make children unable to function socially, academically or even at home, they may need help. Children with ADHD experience behavioral symptoms over a long period of time. Their behavior may occur in different situations and settings.
As a parent, your job is to seek quality help for your child. A diagnosis of ADHD is based on symptoms outlined in the Diagnostic & Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders, often called the ‘bible’ of diagnosis. These behaviors must have lasted at least six months, and the symptoms must occur in school and other aspects of the child’s life.
According to the DSM-V, inattention symptoms of ADHD include:
• Not paying attention to detail;
• Making careless mistakes;
• Failing to pay attention and keep on task;
• Not listening;
• Being unable to follow or understand instructions;
• Avoiding tasks that involve effort;
• Being distracted or forgetful;
• Losing things that are needed to complete tasks
Not all children with ADHD are hyperactive. Hyperactivity-impulsivity symptoms of ADHD include:
• Fidgeting
• Squirming
• Getting up often when seated
• Running or climbing at inappropriate times
• Having trouble playing quietly
• Talking excessively or out of turn
• Interrupting
There are many myths associated with ADHD. One of the most damaging myths links ADHD with poor parenting. Children dealing with ADHD have a real medical disorder. Parents do not cause it. Research shows ADHD is a result of an imbalance of chemical messengers, or neurotransmitters, within the brain.
Another myth deals with the use of drugs to control symptoms of ADHD. Medications used to treat ADHD have been tested for over 50 years. They don’t cure ADHD, but are effective at easing symptoms. The meds don’t turn children into addicts or zombies. There are other treatments for ADHD as well. Talk with your pediatrician about behavioral programs to help you and your son cope. Often treatment will combine medication with behavioral strategies. The key is to keep a program consistent. Again, your health care provider can help.
Your age as a parent is not connected to your son’s diagnosis. I firmly believe parents’ ages do not determine the quality of their parenting. If you’re worried you’re being judged by your age, make an appointment to speak with your child’s teacher, guidance counselor or school psychologist. Together you can become an effective team that supports your son’s growth.
Adults are also living with ADHD; many of them are very successful. Two high-achieving businessmen living with ADHD are David Neeleman, founder of JetBlue Airways, and Paul Orfalea, founder of Kinko’s. Your son can have an excellent life. Let’s continue to talk after your appointment with your pediatrician. Your son is lucky to have you as his mom.