Sep 23, 2014 5 min read

Caught up in chronic pressures, demands and role conflicts, many women place caring for themselves at the very bottom of their priority list.

When women chose this rank it leaves them less capable of coping effectively with life stressors such as strained relationships, multiple demands, and financial worries. Busy working, worrying, and taking care of others, women often begin to feel the effects of stress. Over time, the effects of chronic stress and the stress hormones that are released in the body can take a huge toll, affecting how women feel about themselves and their relationships. In some cases, the effects of accumulated stress can negatively affect physical health as well.

Women may tell themselves that they do not have any choice in the matter; they simply do not have time to care for themselves. What these women forget, however, is that caring for others well and performing responsibilities competently requires adequate care of self. Therefore, it is important for women to recognize that self-care is not a selfish endeavor. Rather, adequate self-care will actually be helpful to significant others and best enable women to perform well across all domains.

Caring for self involves maintaining balance among work, family and personal time and a whole lot more. Because women have been influenced by messages that they must put the care of others first, a shift in mind-set is often needed to guide women toward this new way of relating to themselves and others that includes making their own physical, emotional and spiritual needs a top priority. This new mind-set is based in compassion and respect of self and serves as a guide for the choices women make in their lives everyday. Adopting this new mind-set may involve the following:

• Pamper and preserve your physical health so that you can handle unavoidable stress well and prevent illness. Make all preventative screenings and medical check-ups a priority and remind yourself of how important it is to value your own health and well-being.

• Ensure that you eat well, get adequate sleep and exercise in a method suggested by your primary care physician.

• Learn and practice relaxation daily. Initiating a relaxation response can lead to a reduction in stress and an increased ability to handle demands and conflicts in everyday life effectively. There are numerous ways of including relaxation and mindfulness as a part of daily life. Finding one that is effective and enjoyable can lead to a reduction in chronic stress as the state of relaxation cannot co-exist with anxiety.

• Become more mindful of your present experience. Aim to accept the full range of emotion you may feel. Often distress is a result of being stuck in the past or worried about the future. Rooted in ancient traditions, mindfulness enables women to focus on their present moment and begin to see unpleasant emotion as alarm bells that tell us that something is not right. Whether it is a need to grieve, express anger constructively, or move away from a toxic relationship, negative emotion can serve as a guide for women to either process pain or make necessary adjustments.

• Volunteer your time and/or engage in other acts of charity. Although it may seem paradoxical, engaging in philanthropy through volunteer or others pursuits can enhance health and well-being. Pro-social behavior promotes a sense of purpose and meaning in our lives. Expressing gratitude for the things that we have is another way to enhance well-being as well.

• Attend to your thoughts and the things you tell yourself each day. Negative and self-punishing thoughts and beliefs can be threatening to self-esteem. Aim to correct critical voices and replace them with more realistic assessments. For example, a woman who believes that she is not worthy of her own care may begin to tell herself that the time has come to value herself along with others.

• Adopt an assertive approach in relationship to others. It is important for women to take care of themselves within their relationships, too. Setting appropriate limits with others is one of the ways women can take care of themselves within their relationships. Communicating assertively with kindness enables women to keep the connections they desire while remaining focused on their own needs and limits.

• Aim to not give up or put on hold parts of yourself such as spirituality, religious affiliation and commitment, prayer, social connections and community involvement, creativity and sexuality. When faced with multiple demands, women can let go of who they once were and some of things that were meaningful and enjoyable in their lives. It is important to remember that balance and wholeness are integral parts of taking care of ourselves, and that the pathways toward finding balance and wholeness in our lives will involve examining the things that matter to us the most.

For more information on this topic please find: Domar, A. D. and Dreher, H. (2001) Self-Nuture: Learning to Care for Yourself as Effectively as you Care for Everyone Else.