Always get the warranty
A short time ago, I was sitting in Panera with my friend Sandy when I thought I saw a guy who looked just like former congressman Barney Frank. It seemed unlikely a politician from Massachusetts flew in for a half of a Panini and a Greek salad, but the guy had the same arched eyebrows and low-hanging jowls. Sandy couldn’t picture Mr. Frank. I whipped out my phone to show her a photo of said congressman. No photograph came. My phone screen went dark.
Picture me, in slow motion, saying, “Nooooooo!”
Later that same day, I went to the company that sold me the phone. I can’t say their name, but they have plenty of outlets. You can see them over every horizon. I didn’t have the warranty (always get the warranty). I was on a plan that didn’t let me have a new phone until August. August!
I went off to the store that made the phone to grapple with them. I can’t say their name either, but here’s a riddle: Mr. Braeburn went to Fuji for an opening night of “Pippin,” and at the gala he ran into his Granny Smith.
I talked to a bright young man who was also unable to help me.
I went a week without a cellphone. It was a very long seven days. It was like a dog year.
I don’t know when I entered a co-dependent relationship with my cellphone. I was afraid to go anywhere. What if I got a flat tire? What if I went to meet people and they weren’t there? How did I function before I had this phone?
My boss offered me her dead brother’s phone. She had it because they wanted to charge her to send it back to them.
Later that same night, sister-in-law Brenda offered me a spare iPhone she had. Suddenly, I had two phones! I opted for the iPhone. Frankly, I got a little weird about using the phone of a deceased person. It wasn’t like I was worried he was going to call from beyond the grave. I just got a little creeped out. Just to avoid the same problem, I decided I’m going to be buried with mine. You never know, I might have to make a call on the other side.
I took the used iPhone back over the horizon to the very same store I was in a week ago. The customer service guy turned on the phone and made an “uh oh” face. He said that I couldn’t use the iPhone because it was wired for another company. My reaction was pretty much, “Whatty what now?!?” Apparently, it was reconfigured differently inside. Don’t ask me. I still didn’t understand it.
Then, the very same customer service guy said, “Wait. I can get you a brand new phone today, if you just make a minor adjustment to your service plan.”
Suddenly, he was my Glinda. I had the power to get a new phone all along!
Side note: I never understood why Dorothy didn’t punch the glitter right off that witch.
The important thing is I have a cellphone again. I can now get a flat tire or yell at friends if they’re not on time to meet me somewhere. It’s the little things.
The moral of the story: Always get the warranty.