How old is old enough for a phone?
Q.I’m a young parent, and I’m thinking ahead. My little sister is only in fourth grade, and my parents are giving her a smartphone for Christmas. I’m worried. I talked to my mom, but she said all the kids have one and my sis feels left out. I know what kids can find on cells. What do you think is the right age to give kids phones?
-18-year-old
Mary Jo’s response: I’m glad you’re thinking ahead. I believe a person’s age doesn’t determine positive parenting. I’ve been honored to work with many young parents who were mature, other-directed and committed to their babies/children.
At what age should a child have a smartphone? Each child is different. Some children are mature at 10 and are able to accept guidelines for a smartphone’s use. Others may not be ready until 15 or 16.
A cellphone can allow children an emergency connection to home; a smartphone is a mini-computer. Young children need education on its use. Parents need to communicate clear limits and spend time teaching the child about smartphone safety. Once a child has access to online apps and sites, parental guidance is crucial. Active parenting is key. If an adult is not prepared to teach and communicate proper smartphone use, if a child is easily swayed by peers or tends to be dramatic, I suggest parents wait. Even when “blockers” are placed on a smartphone, children can access adult information.
An adult needs to teach a new smartphone user to:
• Be aware of privacy: Phone numbers shouldn’t be posted or given to strangers.
• Stay away from social media: I know parents who’ve helped their children create false Facebook profiles and ages. Age limits exist for a reason – honor them.
• Respect and maintain self-worth: The ability to take pictures creates challenges. Younger and younger children are sending nude pictures and sexting. Teach self-respect.
• Accept limits: Avoidance of adult-focused sites requires maturity. Parents need to acknowledge their children’s developmental readiness for potential risk. If unsure, wait.
Our peer educators’ responses were enthusiastic.
Peer educator response: We think it depends on the maturity of the kid. Some of us have younger siblings who are that age with smartphones. They’re just interested in playing games on them. Playing games all day can be a problem.
Most of us got our first smartphones at 11 or 12. Phones like this are expensive! Is a fourth-grader ready to take care of a $300 phone?
Some of us had restrictions on our phones at first, and all of us were given phones as a privilege that could be taken away if grades dropped or our behavior was poor.
Even if we were given a phone at 11 or 12, we think 9 or 10 is too early for most kids. It’s like kids are acting like they’re older all the time, but they’re not really ready for older things.
Email Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski at podmj@healthyteens.com.