Thoughts on teen suicide
Q. I know you write for that column. Will you please answer this for it? What are your thoughts on a teen suicide? My mom and I disagree. She says suicide is giving up, and the person will not be forgiven. I say suicide is when a person can’t see any way out of a mess, and no one should blame them. What do you think?
18-year-old
Mary Jo’s response: Suicide is a tragedy. Grief after suicide can be very painful; a young person’s suicide can echo through families and communities.
After a suicide many people look for reasons for the death. Loved ones and friends may blame themselves. It’s important to offer acceptance and compassion to family and friends after this tragedy.
Your question shows a difference of opinion between your mother and you. While I won’t “take sides,” I do think discussing a difficult topic like the suicide of a young person is important to your relationship with your mom. You may be able to connect with her by finding common ground or developing empathy for each other’s point of view.
People who believe a suicide is “giving up” are forgetting how depression can affect someone. Before a suicide an individual is not of sound mind. Surviving is a primal human instinct; imagine how much despair people must feel to end their own lives. I don’t believe anyone has the right to blame another person. None of us are perfect. It’s impossible to know what a person was thinking immediately before a suicide. Judging another person can be cruel.
Our peer educators’ reaction to this question was inspiring.
Treasure Caldwell: In my opinion suicide is not a selfish thing because in that moment that person truly believes that everyone in their lives would be better off without them. It’s not giving up either, it’s just about ending their pain. Maybe they’re tired of feeling like such a burden even though they’re really not! There is no reason to blame them either! Caitlyn Deems: My aunt and I have the same argument all the time. Do I believe that if you’re sad or feel as if you can’t deal with something you should kill yourself? Absolutely not. A person who does decide to commit suicide isn’t “taking the easy way out.” We need to remind ourselves that labels aren’t “one size fits all.”
Elizabeth Gysi: Bullying, while it may be a problem in some cases, isn’t always the cause of suicide. It can come from depression or another mental illness. Suicide is losing a battle, not giving up. It’s hard to beat suicidal thoughts without help, and with all the stigma associated with mental illness.
Colin Hale: It’s not anyone’s fault. It’s not worth the end of your existence just because things seem to be going terribly. There are ways to seek help and feel comfort in your community. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Michael Lucas: I believe that suicide for a teen is a way out from the pain they’re suffering. A teen could feel trapped with nowhere to turn. I’d like to add that I am a Christian and I don’t know of any place in the Bible that says suicide is a sin. I strongly believe as long as you accept Jesus as your savior and let him into your heart that no matter what you do or how you die, God loves you. Also would like to add that having a young person die from a suicide is probably the hardest thing for us other teens to deal with. Be mindful the way you talk to people because you never know how or what is going on in their life. Each person is a person of worth.
Toni Maurer: I personally do see suicide as giving up, however you most definitely can (and will) be forgiven. It is a choice one makes to end pain, simply put. Everything happens for a reason, although teen suicide is tragic. I think of death like this: Your soul is released when you die and put into someone else, maybe in your family or a friend who is born shortly after. You never lose someone; you merely meet them in a new image.
Angus Pinkerton: Teen suicide is a tragedy. It all depends on the situation the teen was in before they committed the act. It is hard to classify all teen suicides into one particular group; depending on the situation and the action taken by the teen to get better determines whether or not the victim “gave up” or “had no other options.”
Seth Richard: I feel suicide takes prolonged problems or strong pain to actually consider it. It all depends on the person and what they consider to be enough for them.
Maci Joelle Ward: Although suicide is tragic no matter the age, especially teen suicide, I don’t think it is cowardly or selfish. When people commit suicide I believe it is their last cry for help. Often suicide is linked to bullying, depression, and even anxiety. It can be very difficult to acknowledge you have these problems, and even if you do it’s a lot harder to find someone you trust to talk to or even get professional help. I think suicide is meant to take the pain away and make people feel like they’re free and at peace.
Hope Work: I think teen suicide can be caused by people always being bullied. People need to stop making fun of other people.
Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email at podmj@healthyteens.com.