Going through the change
Q. Don’t laugh please. There’s something weird going on with my mom. My grandma says she’s going through the change. When I asked what that was she just laughed. She said I was to figure it out myself. So I’m asking you because I, for real, don’t think you would laugh. I want to know. Plus I’d really like my old mom back. This mom gets mad at me for no reason.
12-year-old
Mary Jo’s Response: Questions are important. Of course I won’t laugh. Your mom is going to be OK. Her body is changing in a normal way. ‘The change’ is slang for menopause.
Let’s talk about women’s bodies first. Baby girls are born with tiny eggs (called ova) in their ovaries. These eggs are half of what is needed to make a baby. Sperm from men complete reproduction (the process of creating new life). The ovaries also produce the hormones estrogen and progesterone. These hormones control menstruation (women’s periods) and ovulation (the release of those eggs). When girls enter puberty their hormones change to allow them to become mothers. They begin to ovulate. When an egg is released from a woman’s ovary, her uterus (the place where a baby grows) develops a thick lining (called the endometrium) so a baby can develop for nine months. Periods happen when a woman is not pregnant and the lining sheds.
Menopause is the natural end to a woman’s ability to make a baby (called fertility). The ovaries gradually stop releasing eggs and estrogen production slows. Women stop having periods. Most women experience menopause over a number of years.
During that time, a woman’s periods may stop for a few months and then start again. The average age of menopause is 51, but for some women, it happens as early as 40 or as late as 55.
One of the signs of menopause is mood swings. All people can be moody. I like to compare moodiness to riding a roller coaster. Have you noticed how high a coaster can go, only to swoop down quickly or move rapidly upside down? Hormones can cause moods to be just like a roller coaster – up and down and up again. A person may feel happy one moment, sad the next, and just plain annoyed a moment later. Menopause can cause moodiness, but so can puberty. Over the next few years, your hormones will change. You may experience mood swings then as well.
Other possible symptoms of menopause are:
• Irregular or skipped periods
• Insomnia
• Fatigue
• Depression
• Irritability
• Racing heart
• Headaches
• Joint and muscle aches and pains
May I make a suggestion? Please try to communicate with both your grandma and your mom.
Show your grandma this column and my response to you.
I am always happy to answer young people’s questions, but talking with a trusted adult in your family is very important. Over the next years you will have many questions. If someone in your family answers them, you will grow closer to adults you can trust with important decisions. Your grandma may have felt you were too young for a response. I believe if a person is old enough to be curious about something then that individual is old enough for an answer. Tell your grandma you’d like to be able to talk with her as you become a teen.
Be honest with your mom. She’s the same person as before menopause. She may not know how confused you’ve been. Tell her you love her and would like to help her deal with what’s happening to her. You will need her support as you grow older. Offer your support to her now.
Thank you for your questions and your sincerity. Keep in touch. Good luck.