May 18, 2015 3 min read

First and foremost: Do not try this at home. It was wrong for me to have done, and I would not want anyone to emulate my stupidity. That being said, I dove into a paper collection dumpster last week.

It all began a few days earlier when I cleaned my bathroom. For several months, the magazine rack in the bathroom slowly became a large disaster. Magazines and newspapers spilled over the edge of each shelf and onto the floor on a daily basis. If I asked anyone to clean it up, the same papers were tidied but not removed, and within a day or so, the problem returned.

I finally had enough.

I grabbed an empty box, and I emptied the shelf. Some of the papers were months old. Some of the magazines were years old. I shoved all of it into the box and immediately loaded it into the back of my car. You see, I pass several paper recycling bins on my way to work, so I figured my irritation could at least become a benefit to someone else. I forgot about the box until I arrived at work, but fortunately, there is also a paper dumpster there. I threw the papers away, rather proud of myself for dealing so efficiently with the problem.

Fast forward a few days. My husband began looking for the operator’s manual for his tractor, as it is time to do all kinds of routine maintenance prior to hay season. It was nowhere to be found. Finally, he asked me if I tossed it out with the rest of the papers, but I was certain I hadn’t.

When a few more days passed without locating the manual, I decided I needed to see if I had, indeed, accidently pitched it (because replacing the manual was going to cost upward of $100!) I climbed into the dumpster on my lunch break – with my husband as spotter – and began to dig through the papers and magazines. Just then, the wind caught the plastic lid of the dumpster and slammed it closed. Unfortunately, my husband’s head was in the way, and it took quite a lump.

Just as I was beginning to give up hope, I moved one more stack of newspapers, and there, completely unscathed, was the manual we sought. I handed it over to my husband, and began to climb back out. Interesting to note is that the inside of a dumpster is far smoother than the outside, and there is little to use for leverage. It took far longer to get out than to get in, but I finally managed it.

I was exhausted but happy. My husband was also happy, though his head hurt a bit for a while.

Laura Zoeller can be reached at zoeller5@verizon.net.