Nov 29, 2015 5 min read

“Better here than in Philadelphia.”

Legend has it that the great comic actor of the 1930s and ’40s, W. C. Fields, had that written on his tombstone. Unfortunately, the legend is false. His tombstone reads. “W.C. Fields 1880-1946.”

I don’t know if W.C. was a sports fan, but if he was, he might be somewhere in the great beyond kicking himself for not going with that line.

Have you noticed what the Philadelphia sports teams have been doing lately?

They might not be making anybody in Philadelphia wish they were dead, but they have to be making a lot of fans of the Pittsburgh teams happy.

The Phillies had the worst team in Major League Baseball at 63-99.

The Eagles are 4-7 and have given up 90 points in their last two games, including 45 to the pathetic Detroit Lions in front of the entire country on Thanksgiving Day.

The 76ers are 0-17. They are 18-81 in their last 99 games.

The Flyers are the third worst team in the NHL’s Eastern Conference.

The Eagles, Flyers and 76ers play in leagues that have a salary cap, so their ineptitude can only be attributed to ineptitude.

The Phillies are in a major TV market in a league that offers ridiculous advantages to teams in major TV markets, so they are run by people who are really, really stupid.

If you’re a fan of Pittsburgh teams, Philadelphia’s teams serve as a great reminder of how fortunate you are.

Since the Flyers won their last Stanley Cup in 1975, fans in Philadelphia have experienced three major pro championships in a combined 160 seasons – two by the Phillies and one by the 76ers.

The Pirates, Steelers and Penguins have combined for nine championships over the same period in a combined 120 seasons.

The Steelers and Penguins have combined for three in the last 10 years.

The Eagles haven’t won an NFL Championship since 1960, which means their fans have waited four years longer than fans of the Cleveland Browns.

Philadelphia fans might want to blame the people who showed up at Franklin Field Dec. 15, 1968. They booed Santa Clause that day. He might have forgiven them for that, but the hundreds of snowballs that were thrown at him might have caused him to hold the grudge a lot longer.

• Brandon Dubinsky received a one game suspension for cross checking Sidney Crosby in the back of the neck then across the spine Friday night in Columbus. The NHL’s Director of Stupidity, who claims to have watched the tape, said, “It wasn’t overly violent or forceful.”

That doesn’t say much for the strength of Dubinsky’s stick. It broke when he added a cross check to Crosby’s spine after he went down.

Dubinsky said he never tries to injure anybody and, “I felt my stick ride up his back.”

Two years ago in the playoffs, Dubinsky hacked and poked Crosby so much that Hockey Night in Canada’s Don Cherry, who has been complaining about the wussification of the sport for 30 years, said he had never seen a star player take so much abuse and he couldn’t believe Dubinsky was allowed to get away with it.

Crosby, of course, was accused of choking in the playoffs, which is apparently what the NHL thinks is good for selling tickets and attracting TV viewers.

Dubinsky only getting one game is beyond stupid but it’s still not more stupid than Dubinsky only getting a two minute penalty for the cross check(s).

It should have been a five minute major.

If neither of the two referees saw it, they should be fired.

And when a player is injured enough to go to the locker room for concussion protocol, as Crosby did, the referees should be able to assess the penalty after reviewing the tape.

If they’re going to wave off goals two minutes after spotting a skate being an eighth of an inch offside on a video replay, then referees should be able to review a penalty that could have a direct effect on the outcome of the game, not to mention a player’s career.

You know what should have happened Friday night?

Crosby should have gotten up, skated toward Dubinsky and two-handed him in the back of the knees.

You know, just to find out what qualifies as overly violent and forceful.

• Who would buy a ticket to a Philadelphia 76ers game? They lost their last 10 games last season before dropping their first 17 this season. Their TV ratings were 0.0078. That translates to 23,000 people watching in a market that includes 2.96 million homes and it means there are usually almost as many people watching it in person.

Philadelphia sports fans may be rude, but at least they’re smart.

• The Steelers don’t have to win in Seattle to stay in strong contention for a wildcard spot, but it’s hard to imagine them not getting one if they win.

• Does the fact that Pitt fans are disappointed with a loss to Miami say more about how much Pitt has progressed or how far Miami has fallen?

How about both?

It wasn’t that long ago when Pitt fans would have been thrilled to have not been blown out by The U.

John Steigerwald writes a Sunday column for the Observer-Reporter