Whacking around the shrubbery
I am a big fan of direct communication. I don’t like to “beat around the bush.” That expression always bugged me. When people say, “I don’t want to beat around the bush,” aren’t they beating around the bush? Why a bush? Why are you beating around it? Who is abusing the shrubbery?! Is it one of those goofy-looking topiary things? Who would smack a myrtle turtle?
Actually, the expression comes from the English sport of grouse hunting. Bush beaters would rouse the grouse from their resting places, enabling those with nets to capture the birds. I can’t remember the last time I went grouse-hunting.
Oh wait. Never! It’s a centuries-old expression, and I think it’s a grand time to retire it.
There are a lot of phrases in the English language that irk me. I consider them superfluous words that get in the way of the real words in a conversation.
“Let me get right to the point …” is an example of not getting right to the point. It’s a conversation stalling tactic. If you wanted to get right to the point, you’d just say the thing that immediately follows.
Guess what? I’m not particularly fond of “Guess what?” either. I don’t guess. Ever. Here’s why: Say you have a piece of good news you want to share. Then, say I guess something BETTER than the news you planned on telling me. We both lose. Let’s take this scenario:
A friend says, “Guess what?”
I say, “You won the lottery?”
I get silence.
I say, “You got a new job?”
I get more silence.
I say, “That boyfriend of yours finally proposed?” Or, “Your girlfriend said yes.”
I now get silence and anger.
Or worse, “You dumped that loser (gender non-specific).”
Then, I get a black eye.
After my imaginative guesses, anything you say is going to be underwhelming.
The correct answer is usually something like, “I got a pair of Converse All-Stars for half price.”
Big whoop.
I am not without my own guilty speech patterns. I have elongated conversations for no reason as well.
I have frequently used “you know,” and its big brother, “you know what I mean.”
When you say “you know” and “you know what I mean,” everyone always already knows.
You’ll probably ask me if you don’t know. And it’s never something you wouldn’t know, such as, “I am at my desk, typing, you know?” Of course you know. If you don’t know what my particular desk looks like, you can certainly imagine a desk. I’m usually talking to people who understand the concept of a desk.
I am trying to curb my “you knows,” you know?
I have also overused the word “so.” It’s another non-word. I’m not proud, but I use it to switch subjects, such as “So, how about those Mets?”
Side note: Trust me, that sentence is funnier when the Mets aren’t in the World Series.
So, in the future, don’t beat around the bush, but get right to the point, you know what I mean?