Apr 13, 2016 3 min read

Question 1: Why do people go in and out of relationships when they know they’re with the wrong people? And why won’t these people listen to their friends when the friends tell them how bad their relationships are?

17-year-old

Mary Jo’s response: Think about this. You’re seeing other people’s relationships though your eyes, not theirs. We can have empathy for another person and connect with their lived experience by listening to them.

We cannot truly feel what they feel. You may think people are in the wrong relationships; the individuals may be content.

A healthy relationship is based on trust, respect, loyalty and communication. In a healthy relationship, both partners grow, support one another and share their dreams.

An unhealthy relationship can involve power struggles, jealousy, infidelity and even abuse.

If friends are in unhealthy relationships, cannot be true to themselves because of unequal power with their partners or are afraid because of abuse, they need support, not judgment.

You may need to tell a trusted adult. On the other hand, if friends are in and out of relationships because they’re learning about each other and growing as people, you should simply be there as a friend.

Peer educator response: What if they’re trying to make things work out because they like each other and actually want to be with one another?

Question 2: Is dating your best friend a good idea?

15-year-old

Mary Jo’s response: Friendship is a wonderful foundation for a relationship. Moving a friendship into a relationship can be threatening if the friend/relationship changes and the romantic relationship fails.

Communicate clearly and honestly before dating. Share any concerns. Is your friendship strong enough to handle a possible break-up? Will your friendship be awkward later?

If you’re both attracted beyond friendship and process your potential feelings, dating a best friend can work out. Good luck.

Peer educator response: Sure. Why not?

Question 3: I like my brother’s friend but he doesn’t know. He teases me and makes me laugh. We watch a lot of movies together and play video games. He’s only a year older than me. Should I tell him?

15-year-old

Mary Jo’s response: Try asking your brother for advice. If he agrees, he can help you share your feelings with his friend.

You could also be direct and speak to your brother’s friend yourself. He may see you as a friend, not a potential romantic partner.

You’ll never know if you don’t share how you feel. As in question 2, be up front about possible changes in your friendship if dating doesn’t work out.

Peer educator response: This could get weird. Go for it if your feelings are strong, though.