Worried about sister’s depression
Q.I’m worried about my little sister. I leave for college soon. She’s struggled with depression for a long time. Our mom said she’s just a moody teen. She said my sister can snap out of it if she wants. Mom said my sister just wants attention. I know different. I remember feeling angst when I was 15, but not like this. She genuinely is depressed. I’m going to be six hours away from home. How can I help her?
– 18-year-old
Mary Jo’s response: You’re correct. People do not just “snap out” of depression. Depression is real. Your sister is not alone; up to 20 percent of teens will face at least one depressive episode before adulthood. Your sister needs support.
Your mom isn’t alone; many parents deny the reality of their teens’ depression. Depressed teens need someone to listen – really listen. Therapy is important. Your mom wouldn’t expect your sister to self-heal from a physical injury; denying her depression means your sister may not seek help from your mom if her depression worsens and she considers harming herself.
Here are a few suggestions:
• Assess your sister’s emotional state. Is her depression affecting her daily life? How are her grades at school? Is she sleeping well? Does she participate in activities with friends?
• Articulate the obvious – Tell your sister you will help her find a therapist. Remind her your respect for her is unchanged; acknowledge her depression and assure her she can be helped. Depression isn’t a sign of weakness, and seeking counseling is not a sign of giving up.
• Speak honestly with your mom. Her support for your sister could mean a great deal in your absence. Share your plans to secure a counselor.
• Seek support from another family member. Too often we forget the importance of extended family. A grandparent, aunt, uncle or cousin could shore up your sister.
• Connect her with a counselor now, before you leave for college. You can help her make an appointment and even take her to her first visit. There are many excellent mental health counselors in our community. Contact the Washington County Behavioral Health and Developmental Services Crisis Line at 1-877-225-3567 to talk about the situation. The line is available for anyone who needs to sort out mental-health concerns, and is not only for an emergency. She can also connect directly with BHDS by calling 724 228-6832.
• Has your sister spoken with guidance at her school? The support of a caring teacher or guidance counselor could help your sister during school hours.
• Do you or your sister belong to a faith community? A nonjudgmental faith leader could offer her support as she heals.
Knowing your sister is receiving treatment will ease your mind as you leave for college. Remember you can also connect with her through video links like Goggle Hangouts, FaceTime or Skype. You’re a responsible sibling. Good luck in college.