Aug 30, 2016 4 min read

Random thoughts as the dog days of August pant to a close:

• San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick made news during the weekend by refusing to stand during the playing of America’s national anthem at a football game. Two weeks ago, American Olympic gymnast Gabby Douglas drew similar criticism for not placing her hand over her heart during the playing of America’s national anthem. Rabid football fans and gymnastics geeks were quick to criticize both athletes. San Francisco fans burned Kaepernick replica jerseys, although no one thought burning a leotard carries the same weight. People threatened Kaepernick and Douglas on social media, and the “America, Love It or Leave It” crowd surfaced again.

Here’s my take: It’s America, and no one is required to stand during the national anthem. It’s America, and no one is required to place a hand over the heart during the national anthem. It’s America, and no one is required to leave the country if he or she decides not to stand or place a hand over the heart during the national anthem. It’s America, and you are free to criticize those who do not stand during the national anthem; you are free to criticize those who do not remove a hat during the national anthem; you are free to criticize those who do not place a hand over the heart during the national anthem. It’s America: You are free to burn a football jersey in protest; you are free to boo; you are free to stop watching events in which the person you criticize is playing. Apparently, you are free to yell and whoop like a chimpanzee in heat during the national anthem; you are free to post hateful memes and comments on social media. You are free to stand up and remove your hat and place a hand over your heart during the national anthem even if you are doing it only because everyone else is.

It’s America: Hate it and stay.

• Oxford Dictionaries shut down its online #OneWordMap project – designed to solicit our most-hated words, then list responses by country on a map of the globe – after pranksters peppered the survey with truly offensive words. Oxford declined to say which words were deemed offensive but, before naughty words took the lead, “moist” was the clear frontrunner. Why “moist”? Language experts aren’t sure, especially when moist cake is desirable. But then again, there’s moist armpit.

I have other candidates for most-hated words or phrases: “irregardless”; “to spite” when used interchangeably with “despite”; “doubled down,” especially in a political context, as in “Donald Trump today doubled down on his promise to revive the U.S. economy by replacing our currency with Monopoly money.” But my No. 1 choice for most disgusting word is “pink,” specifically as seen on the Victoria’s Secret line of women’s clothing. This isn’t the first time a British attempt to solicit public opinion via the internet has backfired. In April, pranksters hijacked an online poll to name a new polar research ship, pushing “Boaty McBoatface” to the top.

• Donald Trump proposes “extreme vetting” techniques to prevent ill-willed foreigners from entering the United States. I submit that the following questions should be posed to each immigrant:

1. Have you ever been, are you now, or are you planning to become a terrorist?

2. Do you still beat your wife?

3. Ginger or Mary Ann? Wilma or Betty?

4. Regular or extra crispy?

5. What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

Hesitancy – or if the would-be immigrant claims to have arrived on the vessel Boaty McBoatface and continually whispers “moist”- earns a place on the watch list.

Still unsure? Just play the national anthem and note if the immigrant stands and places a hand over the heart.