close

Nice work if you don’t look like me

3 min read

On my recent trip to Los Angeles, I stayed in a hotel that was having a Hollywood Show. In the main ballroom, people were selling stuff from television shows and movies, and there were a ton of celebrities signing autographs. It was a veritable who’s who of ’60s television and movie actors.

For the record, I didn’t go to the show. It’s not my thing. People think it would be my thing, but it’s not. I love television and movies, but I don’t necessarily care about the people in them. I can’t even watch talk shows. After the monologue, I’m bored silly.

I don’t care where Julia Roberts went on vacation. I don’t care that George Clooney pulled a prank on Matt Damon. I don’t want to know the color of Jennifer Lawrence’s couch. I don’t read People, US, Hello or any of those tabloid papers, unless I’m stuck in a Jiffy Lube waiting room.

However, lots of people love it. I don’t begrudge them their hobby. People stood in lines at the hotel to get autographs of Dick Van Dyke, Valerie Harper, Ed Asner and … wait for it … Butch Patrick, TV’s Eddie Munster.

My friend was telling me Dawn Wells was there. I said, “Who’s he?” In my defense, I heard “Don” not “Dawn.” Apparently, she was one of the seven castaways on “Gilligan’s Island.” She was Mary Ann. For the first season she was the “and the rest” part, but got bumped up to full-fledged cast member in the later seasons. There were just two people in the “and the rest” part. Seems to me, “and the rest” should be more than two people.

But I digress, like I do. I was not caught up in the autograph-seeking crowd at my hotel. I’ve always said, “The only signature I want from a celebrity should be on a check.” I’ve met a few famous people in my life, but it was usually at a social gathering. It seems weird to pay an admission fee to talk to someone. It’s extra money if you want to have your picture taken with one. Maybe I’m just cheap.

Honestly, I did get a little thrill when I saw Barbara Eden come out of the ladies room. It was Jeannie, for Heaven’s sake.

No wonder she had to go, there was no bathroom in that bottle, just lots and lots of pillows.

I was in the bar with some friends, and we thought we saw Sofia Loren at a nearby table. Now, that’s a big name. It’s an old name, but a big one. I don’t know how many Sofia Loren movies I have even seen in my lifetime (probably not more than two), but it was still exciting. Except … it wasn’t Sofia Loren. It was a woman who makes a living PRETENDING to be Sofia Loren. It was her lookalike. I had spotted a stunt double! Now, I ask you, how much work can there be for a woman who looks like Sofia Loren?!? I can see if it was an Angelina Jolie or a Brad Pitt lookalike, but it was Sofia Loren!

I didn’t even know you can make money NOT being someone famous. I wonder if there’s any work for someone who looks like a cross between Vincent D’Onofrio and George Costanza? Sign me up!

CUSTOMER LOGIN

If you have an account and are registered for online access, sign in with your email address and password below.

NEW CUSTOMERS/UNREGISTERED ACCOUNTS

Never been a subscriber and want to subscribe, click the Subscribe button below.

Starting at $3.75/week.

Subscribe Today