First jeans, now I have ‘mom hair’
So apparently there is such a thing as “mom hair,” and I’m pretty sure I have it.
We all know about “mom jeans,” the denim pants with the waistband that actually circles the waist (as opposed to the hips or, in the case of low rise, the knees), with legs that taper toward the ankle. The “mom jean” is now the subject of ridicule because it makes the wearer’s bottom half look like an upside-down ice cream cone.
Me, wear “mom jeans?” Pfft. I am too stylish for that.
Now comes the news that I am not as stylish as I thought. I have “mom hair.”
The New York Times unleashed this next chapter in style-shaming last weekend in an article that focused on the hairstyle favored by new mothers. I am far from being new, but as long as I’ve been combing my own hair, I have worn a version of the so-called “mom hair.” According to the experts, “mom hair” is a cut that is slightly shorter in the front than in the back. When they put it that way, it sounds like a mullet, and how dare they suggest I have a mullet.
The expert stylists say we’re supposed to have sleek hair; and unsleek hair, when cut in the mom style, looks like a furry hat. These stylists must never leave the air-conditioned comfort of their salons, because they are not cutting us any slack for Western Pennsylvania humidity, which gives everybody a furry hat in the summer.
They are probably right about one thing: We women tend to get into hair ruts. For 45 years, I’ve worn some version of almost-shoulder-length-with-bangs style. (Except for the few weeks during which I had my column photo taken. Those were extensions – which were attached to my “mom hair.”)
The article says we moms have it backward. Modern hair should be a bit shorter in the back than in the front. My stylist suggested this a few times, and I’ve always declined. Some women – those with naturally sleek hair or those who never go outside – can pull it off. But me: If I tried that cut it would look like I put my wig on backward.
I have a theory about these reverse hairstyles. The shorter-in-the-back cuts have followed our chins. We all spend so much time with our heads tilted forward toward screens that our hair is going in the same direction. If evolution is following the head-forward posture trend, men may one day start going bald at the back of their heads.
Buried somewhere in an album in the basement is my ninth-grade school photo. I am wearing the same hairstyle George Washington had: a bit shorter in the front and rather furry. He had a gray version of “mom hair,” and nobody makes fun of him for it.
We moms are doing our best. Leave our hair alone. Isn’t it enough that I gave up the jeans?
Beth Dolinar can be reached at cootiej@aol.com.