Mar 10, 2016 3 min read

The backseat driver is riding shotgun, nagging at my every move.

You’re a little close over there.

You’d better turn on your signal.

Slow down!

Your signal’s still on.

Maybe this is the karma boomerang sailing back at me. Maybe I’m not the driver I thought I was and need some reminding. But this teenage driver is getting on my nerves.

And she’s still on her learner’s permit.

Since turning 16 in September, my daughter has been behind the wheel a lot. The only way to learn to drive is to drive, and so whenever we’re headed somewhere, I hand her the keys. In five months, she’s become a fairly competent and careful driver – to the point I can now relax when she’s driving.

Of course, I used to nag. Lacking my own brake and my own steering wheel over on the passenger side, I had to coach her through every mile. I would talk her through tricky turns, remind her to signal, help her to navigate a four-way stop sign. At first, she would listen, but as she gained more confidence she would wave off my coaching, even becoming indignant that I was pointing out her mistakes.

Stop! I get it!

How soon they forget.

This week, I drove her to an appointment. Heading into traffic, I reached to brush back my bangs and she told me to put both hands on the wheel. As a light turned yellow, I sped up and she yelled at me for almost running a red light. She scolded me for taking a sharp turn into a parking lot too sharply.

“Stop backseat driving,” I said.

I explained I’ve been driving for going on 40 years, and she has been driving for going on six months. I don’t need coaching.

It’s funny, but my son, who is known for his ability to talk with a certain authority about almost everything (in that way 20-year-old men tend to do), is not half the backseat driver his sister is. Of the two of them, the child who can recite most of the driver’s education manual verbatim is the one who minds his own business when he’s in he passenger seat. Either my daughter is using our time in the car to demonstrate she’s got the driving thing under control, no matter what seat she’s in, or we’re allowing the typical mother-daughter tension to spill into the car and she’s generally irritated by everything I do.

Or could it be my son recognizes I’m a very safe driver and don’t need to be nagged?

My daughter will be taking her driver’s test soon. She thinks she’s ready to pass. If she can be the voice in her own head that day – her own backseat driver to nag through every stop sign and intersection – she will pass. The first time, with flying colors.

Beth Dolinar can be reached at cootiej@aol.com.