Breaking touchy news to mom an awkward position
Q.Thanksgiving is going to be awkward.
I’ll be home from college. I have a wonderful mom. She’s a single parent and had me when she was a teen. I’m her only. She’s wicked smart. All my life she talked about how she wanted to study chemistry but had to stop school when I was born.
I love science, especially chemistry, so I started out planning to be a chemist. She was thrilled. Except now I want to teach. I did some volunteer mentoring at a youth center near my campus and fell in love with the kids. I spoke with my adviser, and I can switch majors without too much trouble. I just don’t know how to tell my mom. She’s so proud of me. I don’t want to disappoint her, but I also want to be happy at work.
You were always so happy teaching. I know this is personal, but can you offer any insights on why you love to teach. And, how should I tell her? I don’t want to deceive her in any way.
– 20-year-old
Mary Jo’s response: I do love teaching; my reasons for loving teaching shouldn’t influence your decision. We are each unique people. I can share how much I treasure spending time with young learners; I can explain the joy I receive from creating new learning games; I can talk about the way I love the light in a teen’s face when a lesson rings true. These insights are mine – I’m sure you’ve found your own reasons for embracing education as a life path. Listen to your heart.
I admire your sincerity and your desire to be up front with your mom. It sounds as if you are close; I also sense your admiration for her commitment to you.
May I please share one vital fact? You aren’t responsible for your mom’s life choices. Your birth was a gift to her, and I’m sure she would tell you she’s happy you’re her daughter. Not achieving her dream isn’t your fault.
It sounds as if your mom wants the best for you. While she may be disappointed at first, I think she will understand your desire to follow your own dream, not hers. You’re correct – do not deceive her. Have an open conversation with her when she’s not busy and you find quiet time alone. Begin by telling her how much you appreciate her sacrifices for you. Tell her you still love science, but you’ve discovered you love teaching more. Explain how you felt when you volunteered at the youth center. Your life choices are yours to make and to treasure.
Finally, please encourage your mom to follow her own dream. I didn’t begin my doctorate until my youngest child graduated high school. I was in my 50s when I finished. Many colleges offer flexible schedules and online classes for working adults. She’s not too old to learn.
I wish you a very happy Thanksgiving. You and your mom can be grateful for many things this holiday; the most important gift you will give each other is your love.