Sep 28, 2016 3 min read

Q.I met a guy at the PONY games, and he’s my boyfriend now. I miss him a lot, and I really want to see him again. Everyone at school, except my good friends, are saying stuff like, “How are you guys even dating?” It makes me mad. They don’t understand. We’re getting to know each other. What’s wrong with that? My mom approves. Why do they care? – Age 14

Mary Jo’s response: It sounds like you have two questions. Your first deals with attempting a long-distance relationship; your second concern focuses on your peers’ reaction to a new person in your life.

Long-distance relationships can be challenging. Check out our peer educators’ reactions. They had a spirited discussion but easily came to consensus. My opinion is similar. The key factor in your relationship’s ongoing survival lies with the two people involved. Long-distance commitment requires both partners’ intent to remain together.

Consider:

• Trust: Do you trust one each other? You said you’re getting to know each other. Good. Your time together was brief. Trust grows over time.

• Feelings: When you connect, whether online, via phone/text, or in writing, are your feelings positive? Does this relationship bring you joy? Does he offer support? Does he celebrate you, listen to you and lift you up? Do you do these things for him?

• Communication: Are you honest with each other? Do you talk about relationship goals?

• Conflict: How do you handle problems? Successful couples can deal with challenges, let them go and move forward.

I’m not the type of adult who dismisses the validity of a relationship at your age. I’ve learned caring deeply for another person is possible at 14. On the other hand, your feelings, while powerful, may not be mature. I actually like the idea of “getting to know” someone without the pressure of physical intimacy.

I echo our peer educators – this is your business, not theirs. They may be jealous; they may be frustrated if your conversation dwells on him. Be a good friend. Listen to their concerns, be empathic to their needs. Over time you’ll discover who your true friends are. Keep talking with your mom – her wisdom can guide you.

Peer Educator response: Long-distance relationships can be really tough, but if both people are happy and trying to make it work, it doesn’t matter what other people think. Not everyone will understand. People may be jealous. They may not get the concept of a long-distance relationship. They may be trying to break you up. This is your life. Don’t worry about people who say negative things. Surround yourself with people who support and care for you. Let those people comfort you when times get tough. Some of us are in long-distance relationships. While it takes effort, the emotional connection can be wonderful. Some people think a relationship can’t last if there’s no physical intimacy, but that’s not true. At 14, getting to know someone without being physical can be great. Always keep your head up!