People of all ages are sometimes afraid
Q.I used to be afraid a lot. My friends like roller coasters, and I would sit and watch them ride and feel sad, but I wouldn’t go on them. Last year, a really good friend helped me, and now I love coasters!
I didn’t used to like it when it was dark in my room at night. My dad said I was too old for a night light. He said I was a baby. Sometimes I’d use a flashlight anyway. I got over my fear of darkness, unless I watch a really scary movie.
A few minutes ago, my dad told me he thinks we’re going to have a nuclear war with North Korea. Then, he went to bed. Now I’m really, really scared. This is bigger than a roller coaster or the dark. Please answer me. I’m in my little brother’s room because he’s scared, too. Should I wake my mom? Am I a baby because I’m afraid?
13-year-old
Mary Jo’s response: Your question is important; many, many people of all ages are frightened every day.
No, you’re not a baby.
Yes, I think waking your mom is a good idea.
When I received your question, I put aside the column I’d prepared so I could immediately respond to you.
You’re not the only person who fears nuclear war.
Support right now will comfort you.
It’s OK to feel afraid. It’s OK to share your fear with a trusted adult. Processing and understanding your fears can teach you how to react. Finding support can help you move forward in life.
Fear isn’t bad. Our bodies react to danger by a “flight or fight” response; the choice of running away (flight), or defending ourselves (fight) is normal.
An awareness of our fear can help us survive.
Our response to fear can be challenging, however, especially if fear limits our joy.
Your sadness when your friends rode the amusement park ride is one way fear can make a person unhappy. In time, you were ready to face your fear.
The support of a good friend helped.
When fear is based on an imagined threat, like the darkness of your room at night, fear gives us a chance to find courage, and helps us understand ourselves. When facing fear, practice breathing in and out slowly, focusing on your breath.
Fear of a nuclear war is a real, adult fear; I’m not surprised your dad’s words scared you. Adults may think young people aren’t aware of what’s happening around them.
Decades-old research shows many children are afraid of nuclear war.
I remember being terrified as a child during the Cuban missile crisis, when talk of nuclear war seemed to be everywhere.
I have a vivid memory of eating my mom’s homemade wedding soup, while glued to the black-and-white TV in our living room. I’m much older now, but I still remember the feeling.
Real life can be scary to anyone.
Talk with a trusted adult like your mom.
Just releasing our fears by talking can ease tension.
As with your roller coaster fear, support can help you cope.
Nuclear war is something you cannot control; finding mental and spiritual peace, while living your life well, are the best responses you can make to a danger you cannot change.
Just being alive may include fears.
I am bravest when I have someone watching me; as a teacher, if the skies darken and look scary, I try to be brave for my students. Supporting your brother is one way to develop courage.
I’m proud of you. You can do this.
Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.