A blog by any other name
The English language is full of cringe-worthy words. If you squirm when Dorothy Zbornak says, “My cupcakes are moist and delicious,” while watching a late night “Golden Girls” marathon, you have a word aversion (you also need a hobby). The word “moist” usually sets it off.
Word aversion is a thing. In 2007, a linguistics professor, Mark Yoffe Liberman, wrote about this phenomenon. He used moist as a prime example. The contentious word continues to top the list of the “Most Hated Words.” Yes. There’s a list of “Most Hated Words.” Who knew?
We have a list for everything. We even have a name for articles that are about lists. They’re called listicles (added to the Oxford Dictionary in 2014). No wonder there’s a list of “Most Hated Words.” Can someone put “listicles” on it for me, please?
An article this week by Piercarlo Valdesolo in Scientific American stated, “Apparently 20 percent of the population equate hearing (the word moist) spoken with fingernails on a chalkboard.”
You will also find the word “blog” on the list of vilified words. I get it. People come up to me and say, “I read your blog,” and I seethe with anger. I tell them, “It’s a newspaper column. You just happened to have read it online.”
I feel like calling my column a blog devalues its importance. Anyone can write a blog. The Disney Channel even had a show called “Dog with a Blog.” I realize that, given time, a border collie or a Shetland sheepdog could probably fill in for me, but a chow chow or a Pekingese couldn’t do it. They’re not very smart breeds. I’m a columnist, not a blogger. The pay is the same, but I need a grandiloquent title to sleep at night. I gotta build myself up, buttercup.
But I digress, like I do. Another word on the list is “lugubrious.” Seriously?! When did anyone ever use lugubrious in a sentence? I am compelled to employ the word: I feel lugubrious when people denigrate my column.
I was on the phone with my aunt Terri, and she asked, “Is anus on the list?” It was not. Maybe because it hangs out with the dirty words. That’s a different group. They’re the bad kids that hang out on the corner of the language, smoking and drinking.
You will also find yolk, gurgle, phlegm, fetus, curd, smear, squirt and chunky on the list. As someone who has been called chunky, I’m going to put chunky on my wince list, as well. Chunky is an accurate description for peanut butter and applesauce. It’s not meant for people.
I like to combine these words into sentences: I smeared the bagel with cream cheese and topped it with an egg yolk. I tried to squirt ketchup onto my breakfast concoction, but there wasn’t much left and it gurgled as I squeezed. The yolk was runny … phlegmy.
My point is, it is never “just words.” Words have power. Use them wisely.