Feb 8, 2017 4 min read

Q.What do I do if I know my friend is getting high? She says weed is going to be legal soon, so it’s no big deal. I tell her it’s not legal yet in Pennsylvania. I’m worried about her. She’s careful. So far, she hasn’t shown up at school high. Is it my responsibility to tell someone? We’re both 15.

Mary Jo’s Response: Your question has two parts – one is an ethical dilemma and the other is a legal one.

Let’s look at legality first. While it’s possible marijuana will be legal in Pennsylvania at some point, it is not legal now. Facts are facts; opinions are opinions. In this case, the facts can cause long-term consequences. Your friend is not the only 15-year-old in the state getting high, but it is still illegal to do so.

Ethics are more complicated. When I teach, I often ask young people their definition of ethical behavior. Here are a few of their thoughts: ethics means a person’s morality; ethical behavior is the rule of behavior and values you live by; ethics is determined by a person’s values and culture; ethical decisions are difficult ones; ethics is decent human behavior; without ethical behavior, people wouldn’t take care of each other.

Are you responsible? Ethically, I believe you are. If you know a friend is engaging in risky behavior, is it right to stand by and watch your friend get hurt? Your challenge lies in selecting who to tell. Even though this is illegal behavior, I recommend you seek support first from a family member like an older sibling, your own parent, or a trusted teacher or youth group leader who is not bound by duty to report the behavior. You should, however, reveal your friend’s behavior to an adult. Seek a trusted adult who will not overreact. Your friend is young and can change.

I suggest honesty with your friend. Share your concern, but without preaching or judging. Simply say you’re worried because you care. Then, tell your friend you plan to speak to a trusted adult. Ask your friend to be part of the conversation, especially if you select your friend’s older sibling. It’s possible your friendship will be strained, or even lost. Doing the right thing is seldom easy. It is still the right thing.

I was interested in our peer educators’ thoughts. Check them out. Good luck. Please stay in touch. Sorting out challenging life choices with a trusted adult can help. I’m here to listen.

Peer educator response: Even though it may be legal soon (but not as soon as your friend may think), it isn’t legal yet. It is still illegal. Also, weed is not regulated, so your friend is unaware of what’s really in the drug. Tell your friend how you feel. You don’t want your friend hurt. If you feel there is danger, you need to tell a trusted adult. Make sure you go to the right person. Telling a person’s parents or the police first may do more harm than good. A trusted older sibling, maybe? A close cousin or family member who won’t dehumanize them for smoking pot? It’s not the worst possible thing a person can do, but it can cause problems. Loving people means putting their best interests first. Friends in situations like this may be mad at first, but one day they will thank you.

Contact Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski with questions at podmj@healthyteens.com.