The reindeer-Grandma effect
January is typically the month when we quote others in an effort to make sense of life. For example: “Don’t eat that cookie after the dog had it in his mouth!” – Mom
Or, more to the point, “Turn these monitors on, please!” – Mariah Carey
While she was attempting to sing to a prerecorded backing track on live TV in Times Square on New Year’s Eve, Carey’s in-ear monitors (IEMs) apparently malfunctioned. I didn’t witness the event as it occurred, but it’s on YouTube, and reaction to it has been swift and cruel for the most part. If you are one of the few who hasn’t yet seen the footage, I’ll explain.
Carey’s rendition of “Auld Lang Syne” went well. The two songs that followed should be forgot and never brought to mind. In a nutshell, Carey couldn’t hear well. Her singing was out of sync with the music. During her third song, she simply stopped singing while the prerecorded band played on. I felt her pain.
It’s important to be able to hear onstage, especially when singing. For those who have never attempted this feat, a simple analogy:
1) Grandma comes over to your Christmas Eve party, but has not turned on her hearing aid.
2) Unable to hear warning shouts from the family, Grandma wanders out into the street.
3) Grandma gets run over by a reindeer.
Carey’s camp claimed intentional sabotage by Dick Clark Productions (DCP), which was eager to make Ryan Seacrest appear to be talented. DCP claimed the monitors worked as intended, but that diva Carey refused to attend rehearsal, and thus got what she deserved. In either case, Carey looked as if she was being visited by the Spirit of Christmas Distant Future, who in an early draft of “A Christmas Carol” showed Scrooge what it would like to be embarrassed on live TV.
Whatever happened, one thing is clear: People who have never sung live in less-than-ideal conditions should shut up; those who have done so should be the last ones to condemn Carey.
I’ve been playing in bands longer than Carey has been alive. When I started more than 50 years ago, singers used no monitor speakers. They weren’t needed because bands played at reasonable volume levels, and singers could hear themselves relatively well from the band’s front-facing PA speakers. Then, the Beatles invented stadium rock.
Faced with larger venues filled with screaming crowds, music got louder. Monitor speakers that faced performers became indispensable. As technology improved, IEMs became the preferred choice for most performers. A good IEM mix allows singers to give the best possible performance. A bad mix makes a gig barely tolerable. No monitor mix turns New Year’s Eve Mariah into Christmas Eve Grandma.
Still need to assign blame? Look in the mirror.
Rather than maligning Mariah, we should curse ourselves for thinking that singing out of sync constitutes tragedy of the first magnitude. For rushing to social media to condemn a talented singer who braved winter weather to perform outside in her skivvies. For insisting on perfection at all costs, which has made us lose appreciation for the nuances of live performances that make them unique. If a live performance sounds “just like the record,” why not just stay home and listen to the record?
If you still can’t quite forgive, try this: Crank up your wood chipper, lawn mower, outboard motor and power saw at the same time. Stand in the middle of them, singing through the 3-watt karaoke machine you bought for your niece while using your iPhone earbuds as monitors. Halfway through, yank them out, but keep singing. Video it, then post it on YouTube.
But before you do, remember this simple formula: reindeer > Grandma.