Being single is OK
Q.
I read your column all the time in the O-R and find it very interesting. I wanted to comment on your June 1, 2017, column, “Choosing the Right Partner is Crucial.” I agree with all the advice you gave to people as to what one should look for in finding a good partner. My entire life all I wanted, and expected, was to get married. This has never happened for me, and it took me 40 years to realize there is nothing “wrong with me” and I really enjoy my single life. I wish it wouldn’t have taken me so long to come to this conclusion. It really affected my self-esteem inwardly, although I am generally a very positive person. I just think it should be stressed to younger people that being married is not the be-all and end-all of life. So many marriages fail and cause people a lot of heartache if you’re involved in a bad relationship that can be hard to get out of. As my beloved aunt used to tell me, “There are a lot worse things than being lonely.” And there is a major difference between being alone and being lonely. Having a positive attitude in life makes all the difference!
60-year-old
Mary Jo’s response: Thank you so much for reading the column. I appreciate your response. Your words are important. Young people need to hear your wisdom, so I’m sharing your email in this column, with the hope they will read and learn from you.
I agree with you 100 percent. The young person’s question on June 1 dealt with my most important personal choice, and my response focused on what mattered most in my life. You are correct – many marriages do fail, causing heartache. Choosing a partner isn’t a sure thing. Unhealthy relationships, with or without marriage or commitment, can be damaging and hurtful. Finding joy in life is not based on having a marriage or a relationship.
Your words resonated with me as an educator as well. When I teach about relationships, I try to select language to allow young people choices; their life journey is their own, not mine. Some will seek relationships, some will want them but not find them, and some will prefer living life without a partner. I wonder – does our society set up our young people to think a life with a partner is better, or worthier? I feel as if your early messages as a child led you to feel discouraged and doubt your self-worth. Each person is a person of worth, regardless of their relationship status.
I especially treasure your words about loneliness. You are correct – there is a huge difference between being alone and loneliness. Thank you for sharing. I’m saddened when some young people are desperate for a relationship. I’m troubled by their fear of being alone. They may go to great lengths to be with someone; they may define their worthiness by whether someone else pays attention to them. I strive to accent their individual worth and empower them to be who they are. For some, this self-confidence comes easily; for other teens, it is a struggle.
Your message is a model for our youth. A positive attitude can bring joy in life and ease the challenges all people face.
Thank you for teaching with me today.
Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.