People are not ‘mistakes’
Q.
I just had a birthday. My mom said what she says every year on my birthday: “This is the day you ruined my life.” She says I was a mistake. Am I?
-14-year-old
Mary Jo response: You are not a mistake. You are worthy, you are important, there is no other person exactly like you. You’re supposed to be alive.
Sometimes, pregnancies are surprises and unexpected. At times, pregnancies are unplanned. Surprises, even if unexpected or unplanned, can be delightful. Human beings are never mistakes, even if their births were surprises.
Your mom’s words are hurtful. Are there other adults in your family who support you? Do you have trusted adults at school or church/temple or in sports who can help you feel worthy? You deserve an adult in your life who values you. The best way to show your worth is to work hard and do well. Find a place where you feel at home and comfortable.
I would love to meet you. I don’t know where you live, but your phone number is local. Let’s connect. I am positive I can help you find your worth. If you live near our Common Ground Teen Center (53 N. College St. in Washington), please join us (3 to 7 p.m. Monday through Friday). Our peer educators will support you, encourage you and help you feel self-confident.
Peer Educator response: Lots of us were surprises, but not mistakes. You’re OK, but your mom should not talk like that. Show her she’s wrong by doing well.
Q.
I live with my grandparents. I love them and I know they love me. I also know they didn’t sign up to raise me. I’ve overheard them say it. My dad was never in my life. My mom was in rehab a lot, and I don’t know where she is now. What can I do so I’m not a burden to my grandparents?
-12-year-old
Mary Jo response: You have a lot of insight into your life. Good for you.
Adults may say hurtful things without knowing they are causing pain. Overhearing your grandparents say they didn’t plan to raise you can hurt; they are raising you and showing you love. People say things when they’re tired or frustrated. Your grandparents’ actions speak louder than their words.
Please talk with your grandparents. Show them this column. Tell them how much you appreciate and love them. Ask them how you can make life easier for them. Little things can make a difference, like doing well in school and helping around the house.
I’m very glad you asked this question. Let’s keep in touch. I will be happy to meet with you and your grandparents if you wish.
Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.