An experience of fear, and growth
A few times this summer I have learned what it means to find joy in the midst of suffering. To more fully understand leaning on God’s strength and not my own. To come to the end of what I am capable of doing and to give up control. One of these times was when my daughter broke her fingers.
I was at work when the call came in. It was my oldest daughter asking for directions to the hospital. In the background I could hear my younger daughter crying and screaming about how bad her arm hurt. The oldest daughter told me the middle girl had gotten caught in a piece of farm equipment while helping their dad.
I was immediately sick to my stomach, told my boss I was leaving and ran for my car. I began to pray, “Lord God, please save her arm.”
All I could imagine was worst-case scenario. Images of a mangled limb. Her screams echoed in my ears. At some point they lost cellphone service and the call was dropped, leaving me with nothing but my imagination. I prayed and prayed for God to calm me, and that he would help me to trust that whatever happened was part of his plan for our life.
The drive to the hospital seemed to take forever, but finally I arrived at the emergency department. Upon entering, I saw my daughter in a wheelchair holding her hand in gauze. Her arm was fine, the damage was contained to her hand. “Thank you, God, for this miracle.”
Her fingers were mangled, and she was bloody. Her arm was hurting from the nerves in her hand sending signals upward to her brain. But it appeared our new worst-case scenario was the loss of a couple fingers.
“Please, God, save her fingers.”
I kept saying silent prayers for the next couple hours as she was finally triaged into a room, X-rays were taken and a treatment plan was implemented. She had broken two fingers, lacerated one, damaged both nail beds and required both stitches and splints. She was told to expect the loss of both fingernails but that she should keep both fingers. “Thank you, God, for hearing and answering my prayer.”
She followed up for several weeks with orthopedic doctors, who determined she would need no surgery. Both of her fingernails are growing back, and though she has some nerve pain, she has full function of her hand. It took several weeks – maybe a couple months – to be sure she was going to be fine.
In that time, I had to come to terms with the fact that I could do nothing to help her, fix her or heal her. And that if God chose not to allow her to keep her fingers, we would figure out a way to adapt to that, as well.
You see, God does not promise everything will work out exactly how we want it. He promises it will work out exactly according to his plan and in his time. And he will hold our hand and comfort us through the tough parts of that time if we will allow him.
Sometimes, like stained glass, we have to be broken into pieces to let light shine through. And I know this struggle with seeing my child in pain and not being sure of the outcome was a time of stretching and growing for me, as well. I am grateful to have had the opportunity to grow closer in my walk with God through some of the challenges I have faced this summer. I sure wish there was another way for us to grow in character than through trials. And in this particular instance, I’m sure my daughter would agree.
Laura Zoeller can be reached at zoeller5@verizon.net.