It’s better to talk about the school shootings
Q.My little brother is 10, and he’s been worried about the school shooting in Florida. He has nightmares and doesn’t want to go to school. He’s afraid I’ll be killed since I go to high school. We live with my dad, and my dad said not to talk about it with my brother and he’ll forget about it. I disagree. I think there must be something I can do to help him.
– 15-year-old.
Mary Jo’s response: These are frightening times. How mature you are! Your concern for your little brother makes me proud. My heart hurts and my head spins – no child should live with this fear.
Many adults want to avoid talking about something this scary. Your dad isn’t alone. I believe processing trauma is an important first step to easing it. Trauma is defined as a deeply disturbing or distressing experience.
Trauma can lead to PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder – a mental-health condition triggered by a scary or life-threatening experience). According to the National Center for PTSD, as many as 77 percent of the young people who witness a school shooting may develop PTSD. PTSD can lead to symptoms such as nightmares, anxiety, difficulty sleeping, emotional detachment and physical pain. I feel many children are deeply frightened by school shootings, even if they are not involved in one. If your brother’s anxiety doesn’t ease, please speak with a school counselor. You don’t need to deal with this alone.
Here are some ways to help your brother, your friends, and yourself:
1. Try to keep routines as normal as possible. Kids your brother’s age do well with the security of structure. It may be tough, but attending school is important.
2. Limit his exposure to graphic videos, live feeds, news streams and pictures that add to fear.
3. Adults need to be honest with young people. Share as much information as a child can handle developmentally. You know your brother. Answer his questions. Kids are not too young for answers.
4. Process what’s happening and give your brother a chance to talk about his fears. Too often adults think they are shielding children by avoiding topics like this one. The truth is, most children are aware, and silence from adults can add to their fear and confusion.
5. Listen. Listen. Listen more. Listen to hear, not to respond. Listen with intention.
6. Reassure your brother that most people are good. I love the quote attributed to Mister Rogers: “To this day, especially in times of ‘disaster,’ I remember my mother’s words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.” Yes, there are people who do bad things, but most people want to help.
7. Adults need to take care of their own stress and seek support for their own anxiety. Try to talk with your dad. He may need you as much as you need him.
8. Reaffirm your relationship with your brother. You are there for him. You care about him. You’re glad he shared his fear with you. Articulate your love for him.
9. Take care of you. Seek help at school. Connect with a mentor, coach, teacher or faith leader. You matter.
May you both be safe.
Peer Educator response: We understand this fear, because we have it too. Sometimes you just need to do what you need to do. Go to school. We can’t avoid school. Shootings can happen anywhere. An open conversation with your dad could bring comfort and safety in knowing an adult is trying to protect you. We all find comfort in one another. Those of us who are Christian find comfort in our faith.
Join us for a teen-facilitated community discussion on dealing with the fear associated with school shootings. Let’s Talk is Thursday, March 1, from 7 to 8:30 p.m. in the Media Room at Washington & Jefferson College. The Media Room is on Lincoln Street, below the college cafeteria. Signs will guide you. Please RSVP in advance to Mary Jo.
Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email at podmj@healthyteens.com.