Stress after high school graduation is common
Q.I just graduated from high school with honors. I’m not from your state, but I read your column online because my aunt is from there, and got me started. I like it! Last week’s column made me think. The peer educators sound like they have it together. I don’t. I really didn’t like high school all that much, so I guess I should be happy it’s over. Plus, I’ve been accepted in my first-choice college and I’m all set to attend. I have a pretty good family. I have some decent friends. I have a solid job at a place I’ve worked at for two years. I’m not depressed, but I still feel empty. Like, what is ahead for me? What will I do with myself? How will I know what to study? Most importantly, why aren’t I as happy as everyone else who graduated seems to be. If you have time, I’d love your insight. Thanks.
18-year-old
Mary Jo’s response: Congratulations! Graduating high school with honors is quite an accomplishment. I’m pleased you enjoy the column, as well! Thanks for reading and taking the time to connect.
Our peer educators are wise, and they do give the impression of “having it together,” but they’re human, just like everyone. In fact, your question led to some soul-searching for them; their responses follow mine. Please remember – we only see the first layer of a person. Shrek the ogre said, “Ogres are like onions.” People are like onions, too. It’s not easy to tell how people really feel. Everyone who graduated may appear happy, but many graduates feel as you do.
Feeling empty doesn’t mean a person is depressed, but it could. What you’re describing is common – stress after high school graduation affects many. Let’s first talk about your anxiety about the future. Change is often difficult, even if the change is positive. We become complacent in life. The effort made to create change can take so much energy that we may stay in a less than ideal relationship – or even an unhealthy one. We may remain with friends who drain us instead of empowering us. We may stay at a job we dislike out of fear. Your words “What is ahead for me?” are probably being echoed in most graduates’ minds right now.
It is often frightening to give oneself time, but I wish you the gift of patience. Bring your questions with you to college. You will discover what you enjoy studying as you study. Take advantage of your college adviser and the counseling department at your school. Be honest with trusted adults who are there to help you sort out your dreams. Some suggestions for dealing with anxiety are:
- Try to let go of the future and live in the moment.
- Learn some simple mindfulness techniques and take time to use them daily. Breathe.
- Make new friends. Try new things. Study new topics. Explore.
- Be positive. Positive thoughts yield positive results. Make positive plans.
- Reach out for support from family, friends and other trusted adults.
Post-graduation depression is possible. If your anxiety is high enough to affect your quality of life, and if you feel you cannot move forward, seek counseling now. Don’t wait for college. Counseling can help you over this rough patch in life. A professor in my graduate counseling program was fond of saying, “Everyone needs a good listening to!” I’m happy to listen. Your family and friends can offer support. If your empty feeling becomes depression, please seek professional help. I wish you joy and peace.
Peer Educator response: Some of us feel as if we’re in the exact same boat! One of our dads said, “Those who think high school days are the best days of their lives have not had great lives!” Think of the emptiness you feel as if your mind is creating space for what is to come. We know many people who feel as you feel. All we can see is the surface of a person. We all have our own battles and fears, but find a way to pull ourselves together in public. We never fully understand another’s story, although we can try. All the “what ifs” can eat you alive inside. It’s important not to focus on those unanswered questions about the future. Being afraid of the unknown is pretty common. It’s easier to cling to the familiar and dread change. College is a time for exploring and experimenting. Do everything. Failing teaches. Push yourself to love life and succeed at the things you discover matter to you. High school prepared you for college – college will prepare you for life. Life is short. Try not to waste precious time worrying about what’s to come. Have fun! Be happy! Be you!
Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email at podmj@healthyteens.com.