Sweating the small stuff: Road rage edition
I realize that there are gargantuan problems in the world, but I like to focus on the little things. There are a lot of dumb little things that really shouldn’t bother me … except they do.
After all, a mote of dust is insignificant, unless it’s floating around in your eyeball.
Most of my anger at life’s little things happen while I’m driving.
Side note: I have a long list of petty annoyances that take place outside of my car, but I will share those grievances at a later date. You get to hear me gripe on a biweekly basis. You’re so lucky.
But I digress, like I do. I was on the parkway driving toward downtown. After listening to several sad stories on WESA, my ears perked up when Bill O’Driscoll was about to talk about Pittsburgh’s punk scene. I hit the Fort Pitt Tunnels just as my radio station was getting interesting. Suddenly, static! By the time I cleared the tunnels they were back to talking about war, the economy and other tragedies.
It’s the 21st century. Can’t we figure out how to make a radio work in a tunnel? For heaven’s sake, we have cars that drive themselves. We should be able to master this.
Which leads me to my next resentment. The tunnel traffic brings up a lot of consternation. Mostly because people want to merge in front of me at the last possible second. It’s a morning commute, but some people like to turn it into an action movie. I despise these last-minute mergers – unless I have to do it for some reason.
If I let you pass in front of me in traffic, I want my wave. It doesn’t have to be full-on, Broadway musical, jazz hands. I’ll take one of those quick hand raises – like the way Colonel Klink would reluctantly “Heil Hitler” when he thought he was going to get sent to the Russian Front (in EVERY episode of “Hogan’s Heroes”). Raising your hand can save me a heap of unnecessary aggravation.
Also, when an ambulance hits the siren – and everyone pulls off to the side to let the emergency vehicle speed to its intended destination – it’s not your chance to pass us all by. The other day I pulled over, and a driver zipped after the ambulance, leaving me on the side of the road in the dust.
Why did this guy gun it when the ambulance sped by? I suspect he was a personal injury lawyer.
Finally, a car in front of me is traveling down the road at 35 mph until they see the entrance to Giant Eagle. The drive suddenly slows to 5 mph to pull into the parking lot. What takes people so long to pull into a strip mall? I want to ask them, “Are you still deciding if you need bread and eggs?” Get on with it!
I guess I can solve a lot of these problems by taking the bus.