Mar 15, 2018 4 min read

Q:I’ve been “talking” to a senior in college. We have been on and off since October but have started talking a lot more recently. We also went out on a date within the past week. I want to hang out more before he graduates, and possibly take him to my prom. The problem is that he says he’s always busy with college work and he doesn’t always text me back. I don’t know if I should give him space, so he can do his work, or cut him off. Help!

-17-year-old

Mary Jo’s response: Your question raises an important point – what should a person do in a relationship when one partner appears more interested than the other?

At 17, your focus is high school. Not only is this healthy, it’s normal. You’re thinking about prom; this young adult is thinking about college graduation and his future. The difference in your ages will mean little in a decade when you’re 27 and he’s 32, but now it may pull you apart.

On the other hand, you’re connecting, which may mean the relationship has potential.

I suggest an open conversation. Stress the positive aspects of your connection, and gently ask if he’s interested in prom or in seeing you on a more regular basis. If you’d like to spend more time with him, and he agrees, but is busy with final-semester college concerns, he should be honest with you. Be patient. If, however, he’s moving on with life and isn’t ready to make the relationship a priority, respectfully hear him and move forward without him. In time, you may reconnect.

Anxiety about what the relationship means can be eased by talking with one another. Good luck.

Peer Educator response: The two of you are in different life stages. You’re concerned with prom and he’s concerned with finishing college. It’s hard to find a happy medium with such different priorities. It’s also hard to have a relationship when you are in two different environments. Consider also the fact that he’s over 21 and talking to someone in high school. Some of us think this is not OK. Older men can sometimes go for younger women because they are easier to control. Genuine relationships can be forged between partners of all ages. Just be sure you’re happy. If you give him space, you can find someone who shares your focus.

Q: My boyfriend and I graduate college in May. I think he’s going to ask me to marry him. My mom doesn’t like him very much, but my dad does. My gram thinks he’d be a great husband, but my granddad thinks I could do better. My friends from high school think he’s selfish and not good for me, but our mutual college friends think we’re a great couple. Please don’t laugh. What do I do?

-22-year-old

Mary Jo’s response: I never laugh at a question. I respect your concerns. You mention how your family and friends perceive this young man, but you don’t say anything about how you feel. Marriage is a long-term commitment. The only person’s opinion that truly counts is yours. Do you feel he would be a good partner? Do you want to marry him? You will share a life with him. While it’s nice to know some of your family and friends approve of him and discussing his qualities with others may help you sort out your feelings, you need to make this decision. If you have doubts, please discuss them with him. He needs to know if you’re hesitant. Good luck.

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email at podmj@healthyteens.com.