Mar 29, 2018 4 min read

Q.Will you help me decide how to help my teenage son on social media? Let me explain. He’s a great kid. He doesn’t bully or post weird pictures or anything like that. Since the Parkland shooting, though, he’s become obsessed with gun reform. I worry because he’s posting things that make other people respond to him negatively. I feel as if he’s being bullied by adults – some in our family – for his opinion. On one hand, I want him to express his thoughts and feel free to speak out. On the other hand, I fear for his emotional state. He’s young. Should I try to protect him?

Worried Dad

Q.Can you help me figure out how to get my mom to stop posting controversial things on Facebook? It’s not just that she embarrasses me. She does, for sure. It’s also that I fear she’s attracting all kinds of nasty people to her page. She says she has free speech. Sure, yeah. Some of the comments she gets are upsetting. I wish she’d just keep her thoughts to herself.

16-year-old

Mary Jo’s response: I received these unrelated questions this week and decided to respond to them together. The questioners are not connected in any way.

Social media is complicated. On one hand, it allows friends and families to easily share positive moments in their lives. I posted a video of a random baby laughing on Facebook, just because this little one’s belly-laugh made me smile. I use social media to remind peer educators of meetings and to announce community events. I love seeing anniversaries and birthdays on social media; more than once I’ve discovered someone’s need for support after a death or surgery and responded in real life.

The other side of social media can be intense. Our theme this year is Respect Online. One teaching exercise we use asks our students two questions: 1. Would they place their social media postings on a prominent billboard for all to see? 2. Would they say their social media comments or tweets to an individual if they were talking face to face?

I encourage critical thinking. Can each of us set a standard of fact-checking any memes or articles we share? Should a standard of respect exist online? How does one maintain strong opinions and the right of free speech while adhering to this standard of respect?

Both these questioners are concerned about their loved ones’ reactions to responses they receive when posting about controversial topics. My response to them is similar.

To Worried Dad, I honor your involvement in your son’s life and your respect for his opinions.

I suggest you talk with him about his feelings. Is he troubled?

Many young people feel strongly about the Parkland shooting.

I’ve listened to teens. Most want to feel less afraid in their own schools. Our nation is polarized around this issue, but our young people’s fears, in my opinion, need to be heard.

Continue modeling respectful social media behavior for your son. Help him process. Talk with his teachers.

He may be able to find an outlet for his angst that involves non-social media activities. If you believe he is being bullied by adults in your family, speak to them. Protecting him involves respecting him, offering him guidance, and stepping up if adults in power do not respect him.

To the 16-year-old, I hear your concern, as well. Parents can be embarrassing, especially when we’re young.

My father was the best influence in my life, but at 15 I thought he was so out of touch, I could barely stand it. As an adult, your mom chooses to use social media as a platform for her beliefs. I doubt you’ll be able to stop her postings, but it may help to have an honest conversation about your concerns.

Ask her if her debates could occur in private messages. If she persists after your discussion, simply support her if she feels attacked.

As a person of a certain age, I’m sad when it seems people are avoiding face-to-face conversations. I remember my Italian family loudly discussing politics when I was a child. Afterward, everyone shared a meal and respected one another. Maybe the true challenge to social media lies in the anonymity of hiding behind a computer screen. Would we say the same things in the same way if we sat across a table from one another?

Good luck to you both!

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email at podmj@healthyteens.com.