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Some advice about navigating puberty

5 min read

Q.What is it about me that I’m suddenly noticing girls’ chests?

12-year-old

Q.My friends all have their periods. I don’t. I can’t decide if that makes me happy or sad. I don’t want to be different and not have one. I see them fuss over their periods and I’m not sure I want one. A few of my friends feel lousy during their periods. Will that happen to me?

12-year-old

Q.I play basketball. I’m pretty good. The problem is I’m not getting taller and most of my friends are. When will I get tall?

12-year-old

Mary Jo’s response: I’m responding to your questions together because they all deal with puberty. Puberty is the time in life when children’s bodies develop into adult bodies. The changes are physical (changes in your body) and emotional (changes in the way you feel).

Puberty is different for each person. I’ve often wished we could program our bodies like computers. Wouldn’t it be amazing to be able to tell your body exactly how tall it should be or determine when a period will begin? The truth is, we simply need to be patient. Everyone changes. Here are some puberty changes, and some hints on the best way to deal with them.

  • Remember your body is OK for you. You are unique. There is only one person exactly like you. Be brave. Try to relax. You’ll get there.
  • During puberty, everyone’s moods may change. Have you read the book “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, Very Bad Day”? Puberty can inspire bad days! Puberty can make a person feel happy one moment and confused the next. Your emotions may feel like they’re on a roller coaster! There are moments during puberty when young people may feel frustrated, angry and alone. These moments pass. Fifth to ninth grades can be complicated because most people are dealing with increased and changing hormones. Hormones are the chemicals in our bodies that start puberty and help us mature. Everyone can be moody.
  • Your body will change in ways you may not like. Your feet will grow – sometimes a lot! Your voice will change. Your skin will become oily. Keeping clean should help with pimples and zits. Your body will grow hair in places you didn’t expect – like under your arms or on your pubic (bottom) area. As you grow, your body changes. Male children’s shoulders get bigger and they develop upper-body strength. Female children develop breasts, their waists get smaller and their hips get fuller. Some people experience growth spurts and grow tall quickly; others do not. All these changes are normal – OK.
  • The big changes in puberty deal with the ability to become a parent. Bodies with a penis and testicles will develop sperm. The penis, testicles and scrotum will grow, and ejaculation will happen (the release of semen and sperm). Bodies with a uterus, ovaries and a vagina will begin ovulation (the release of an egg). Ovulation will cause periods (also called menstruation). Periods usually begin around age 12 but may also start as early as 9 or 10 or as late as 15 or 16. A period can cause abdominal (belly) cramps, but every person is different. If a person feels lousy during a period, a health-care provider can help.
  • Pregnancy only happens if sex happens, even if your body is preparing to make a baby. No sex = no baby.
  • Many people feel more sexual during puberty. You may find other people attractive, although there’s no exact time when that happens. Some children talk about having boyfriends and girlfriends before puberty; some aren’t interested in romantic partners until adulthood, if ever. A few days ago, a second-grader told me, “Holding hands with someone you like under the lunch table is fun.” The same day, a senior told me, “There’s no time in my life for anything but sports and school. I’m not interested in dating.” Everyone is different.
  • The key to dealing with puberty is support. Find a trusted adult with whom you can share your feelings as they change. A parent is usually best, but another family member, or a teacher, coach or youth leader, will work. We all need mentors as we grow up.

Have faith in your body. You will grow exactly as you should. Be kind to yourself and others. I wish you joy.

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email at podmj@healthyteens.com.

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