Jan 11, 2019 3 min read

Some of the best news I’ve heard in a while came by way of a style report on public radio.

“Skinny jeans are out,” said the correspondent. “The boot leg is coming back.”

Now, the last time I heard the words “boot leg” in a broadcast was when I watched the Ken Burns documentary about the Prohibition era. In that reference, the words were jammed together and they described smuggled whiskey – called that because men hid the bottles of booze in their boots.

There’s not enough booze in the world to get me to wear skinny jeans. Not that I ever would have, but my left leg won’t allow it since cancer surgery and treatment 10 years ago left me with lymphedema in one leg. It’s bigger than the other leg, and even if I weren’t vain about showing that off, which I sort of am, it won’t fit into a skinny pant leg.

Bring on the boot leg, also called the boot cut, which is wider and flares out at the bottom, making room for my leg.

Dressing, and shopping, have been frustrating all these years. I’m usually able to find wider-leg pants, but finding them could be like catching a trout in a goldfish pond. Maybe there’s one bigger pair under all little ones, but finding it takes a bit of fishing around.

Now that skinny jeans are passe, maybe I’ll be right on trend again. I would be even happier if bell-bottom jeans were to return, but I think that ship has sailed.

Just as a broken clock tells the right time twice a day, even a style-challenged girl gets trendy once in a while. We just have to wait for the old styles to come back around.

Long, daytime gloves would be a start. My hands are starting to look red and lumpy, like crab claws. Daytime hats would be great, to cover the thin spots. Oh, and corsets because, well you know.

And then there’s the matter of this high forehead of mine. My kids call it my fivehead, and a snotty college student once observed that with my hair pulled back I resembled the aliens from the spaceship in “Close Encounters of the Third Kind.”

I would refer that person to the paintings by the great old masters; the women have skyscraper foreheads, and they were considered the beauties of their time. So there.

But it would be nice if hairstyles with bangs would come back. Not that I’m ashamed of my forehead, but my face is shaped like Mr. Peanut’s body, and bangs tend to soften things up a bit. We need a 50-ish celebrity with a high forehead to make the cover of People magazine, and suddenly I’ll have “the look.”

Good riddance to the skinny jeans. Beyond two matching legs, the style looked best on a body type that few of us have. Bootcut jeans, on the other hand, look good on everyone. Catalogs describe them as especially flattering because they balance the body. Maybe they’re coming back in style because textile manufacturers want to sell more denim fabric. Skinny jeans don’t take much.

Whatever, my life is about to get easier. I’m picturing whole racks of jeans that will fit my left and right legs at the same time.

And until actual mismatched legs come into style, that will be the best I can do.

Beth Dolinar can be reached at cootiej@aol.com.