Apr 1, 2020 5 min read

Q. I’m sick of hearing about this virus. I get sheltering in place. We live with my grandma and I want to protect her. But, can’t people talk about anything else? Can you please make your column be about ways to stay calm and make time pass. I’m trying not to be bored. I’m also trying hard not to be afraid. I’m pretty much failing at that last one.

16 year old

Mary Jo’s response: Good for you. Recognizing our stress and finding ways to stay calm are wonderful life skills.

It does seem like the virus is all people talk about. Do you know why I think we hear so much about it? I think people are afraid. When we’re afraid, we seek reassurance. I’m glad you reached out. You’re not alone.

First, I’d like to talk about fear.

Most people feel fear. Some believe our fears help us stay safe and take fewer risks. I think fear is normal and part of being human and vulnerable. You’re not failing because you’re afraid. The key is to face our fear and not let it incapacitate us. In other words, know the fear is there, learn about what you fear, and then move forward.

Let me tell you a story. When I was 10, I was terrified before my class trip to the Heinz pickle factory in Pittsburgh. I’d known about the trip for weeks. My fear came out at 2 a.m. the morning we were to leave. My papa was always my rock. He took me to the kitchen and made me chamomile tea with honey. He listened to me. Then he asked why I was afraid.

It was 1960. I read a lot and I knew the possibility of nuclear war was real. In my child’s mind, I’d decided Pittsburgh would be bombed because of the steel mills.

I explained my fear to my papa. He gave me his biggest smile, both tender and comforting. He reassured me I would be fine. I was stubborn. How did he know? I was reading the Bible with my mama and I’d just started reading the book of Revelation – not a particularly good book to read at that age. I told my father the bombs would drop and it would be judgment day.

My papa’s faith was very deep. He took my hands in his and said, “judgment day comes for each of us when we look back on the way we spent our lives. Live with respect and use your gifts to help others. You have nothing to fear.”

I went to the pickle factory. I received a tiny green pickle pin. I often wore it when I was afraid. It reminded me I could be brave.

I cannot offer you my father’s comfort, but I can offer you mine.

Everything passes. Good things finish; bad things end. You will get through this. You’re doing all you can to protect your grandma. You’re facing your fear. I know it may sound cliché, but this is a good time to take things one day at a time, or even a moment at a time. Try not to project into the future.

Boredom comes, in my opinion, when we hold back our mind’s natural tendency to be creative. You are powerful. You are full of ideas. Act on them.

Find something that gives you joy. Then, find something else. Write, sing, listen to music, cook, talk with friends. Focus on your breathing, taking calming breaths. Sit quietly, reading a book. Start a project. Exercise. Walk outside when it’s nice. Spend time with your grandma and ask her about her life when she was 16.

I’ve started a video contest called “Celebrate Life.”

There are three categories, third through fourth graders, sixth through eighth graders and freshmen through seniors in high school. Young people can win $100 if their video is the winner in each category. Connect with me at podmj@healthyteens.com for more details.

Our peer educators sent some great suggestions. You can also join us in our Virtual Teen Center zoom, every day from 3 to 7 p.m.

Peer Educator responses:

• It’s a digital world. Catch up on cool TV shows, re-watch old shows and movies;
• Play new and old video games;
• Do homework;
• If the weather is nice, sit outside if you can and just relax. Less time on social media;
• Play music if you can. Learn to play the ukulele. Or the recorder. Or the harmonica;
• Paint. It doesn’t need to be perfect. Drawing and other art is a great way to ease stress;
• Listen to music. One of us has 2,302 songs on a phone. That’s a lot of listening;
• Write. Keep a journal. Write anything that pops into your mind. Write your feelings, your joys, your frustration. Express your creativity;
• Start thinking about colleges;
• Write essays for admission and scholarships. It’s good practice;
• Reading is a great way to escape.

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.